Meds Have Arrived!!!

Soooo...my box of meds arrived this past Thursday (12/27). I did not start them on Saturday like it was originally planned.
I FINALLY got major medical insurance! Get this...through my University! I didn't even know Universities offered medical insurance to their students! Pretty cool, huh? I thought so.

The downfall to that was it doesn't go in effect until Jan. 1, and Illinois state law is that meds cannot start until the insurance is in effect...bleh. Yeah, 3 whole days!
Go figure.

So contracts will be completed this week and I will begin meds sometime around Jan. 20th. I will receive my new med schedule tomorrow. Making the transfer take place on February 22nd.

"That's ok!!"
...was my exact thought once I pulled out all of my meds!!!

Look at all of that!!!


Ok, so I'm going to give you a run down on what everything is and how it all works. I have had questions about this from very inquiring minds. ;)

(From left to right)
The two white boxes are Lupron. Those will be the first meds I take, one shot daily.
Yup, I said SHOT.
I have to put medicine. In a syringe. And stab myself. Eek.
Now for this I get to use an insulin, comfort needle. So it shouldn't be too bad (so I have heard). The injection will go in my belly.
Lupron basically shuts down my pituitary gland = no hormone production = no cycling. My cycle will be controlled by the meds (how much of what hormone when).

See? Insulin syringes...not so bad.


The next set of boxes are a form of estrogen in patch form that I will start taking a couple of weeks after starting Lupron. I will change 2 patches every other day, working my way to 4 patches (yes, at one time), along with the Lupron. This begins introducing hormones much like my body would do on its own. I continue this for a couple of weeks.

Then I will stop Lupron. Begin a Z-pak (not sure why; haven't got to ask yet)(box under patches), continue estrogen patches (4 by this time), begin progesterone in oil injections (the big bag next to the patches, brown bag under it, and little bag under that), and begin my other form of estrogen (big, pink box) in the form of a vaginal suppository. Yeah I know...gross. 3 x day. Aren't you jealous of all the fun I get to have?? lol. I will also have to start chewing one baby aspirin daily (3rd left bottle to the right). I *would* also begin taking the first bottle on the left...prenatals w/DHA, but I have already been taking my own prenatals and DHA.

Anyway, yes, I said another SHOT. The progesterone in oil. This hormone is what supports a pregnancy. This causes the uterine lining to become thick and fluffy, a nice comfy bed for any fertilized egg to attach to. Or two, if they are both so inclined.
These shots are not as easy as the Lupron. These are IM injections...or intramuscular. Yes, In. The. Muscle. Do you know how far down your muscle is??? Do you realize how long a needle has to be to get there??? Yeah...oooooouuuuuuch!! :-/

Look at that!!!!! 18 gauge needles!! For those that do not know...that is big! Any volunteers to stick me with that everyday?! I don't think I can do it to myself! (Don't worry, I will suck it up and do it...I have weeks to prepare)


I guess I should tell you...I don't have to be stuck with that needle. I didn't realize that at first. Mini stroke. hehe I only have to draw the med in that needle.

The brown bag...the vials of the hormone. The bag under that, are just needles. 1 1/2in long, 25 gauge needles. Once I draw up the med, I will change the needle to the 25 gauge...for those that do not know...that is MUCH smaller than the other one. :) This makes me happy. Still rather long...but not as big around, which is comfort.

As you can see...smaller. Awesome!
Any volunteers????? Didn't think so. *sigh*


I will continue the patches, IM injections, and suppositories until after my pregnancy test. If I am pregnant, I will continue with the progesterone for the first trimester, (the other two meds, I'm not sure if I will continue at that point).
If I am not pregnant, I stop all meds, take a few weeks break, and start all over.

(oh, the other random bag I didn't mention...is just alcohol swabs. The very last bottle I didn't mention is a Valium, for the day of the transfer. I guess some women have some anxiety and it helps keep them calm)

So there ya have it! A gestational surrogate's meds! Who wants to take them with me?? :)

I may have mini freak outs and make jokes about being terrified of those huge needles and complain about the oh so yuck vaginal suppositories, but in reality,(I AM terrified of sticking myself with those loooong needles) I am so thrilled I have this box of meds in my house. Sitting in eye sight everyday. They are a daily visual for me that my journey is here. It is happening. I no longer desire to be a surrogate.
I am no longer aspiring to be one.
I am actually becoming one.
I'm doing it.
I am only weeks away from helping an incredibly deserving couple have a baby...
I couldn't feel more honored at this moment.

Well, for the next few weeks, not much will be happening. I will get my new med schedule for our February transfer, complete the contract, and wait for med start date.
I will have little updates for you along the way. See you in a few days!

Contracts and Insurance...enough said

I tell ya, I have had people tell me, "The contract phase and finding insurance is the most stressful part of this journey."

They were not kidding.

It has been back and forth on whether or not I will be able to start medications this coming Saturday (12/29) or not.

My flight to Chicago for my appointment with the RE was cancelled due to whether...the first snow of the season. Go figure.

The contract has actually not been that bad. We agree on basically everything, it has just mostly been a matter of the wording.

The insurance has been the biggest hurdle. Now I tell ya, I have some amazingly wonderful IPs for taking on a surrogate with no insurance for surrogacy that lives in Missouri. (it is dang near impossible to find surrogacy insurance in this state)

We have been able to get a policy through a company that is specifically for surrogacy. It's rather expensive, but gets the job done, and it's what my guys want to use. New Life is the name. Doug & Charles are again wonderful; they purchased the best policy that New Life offers to make sure I had the best coverage, and so that I have what I need to begin meds this Saturday.

*Side note: For the state of Illinois, a surrogate must have insurance in place to cover the cycle (meds, transfer, pregnancy) and any complications resulting from the cycle to be able to begin meds and not void the contract.*

The New Life policy Doug and Charles got for me covers all of this. But both of our attorneys still seem to have some question about if I need to have a major medical plan in place in time for the meds to begin or if it just has to be in place before the transfer takes place.
It's so confusing.

I don't even understand why I need a major medical plan at all. The coverage I need is for the meds, complications from the meds, the transfer, complications from it, the pregnancy, complications from it, and some postpartum coverage. I have that with my New Life policy. My IPs are not responsible for anything that is not related to the surrogacy....so I don't understand the need to have this non-pregnancy coverage.

Nevertheless, we are being told I have to have it. But now the issue is whether or not I have to have in place in order to be able to start the medications. THIS Saturday.

Right now, the contract states that I will have major medical in place before meds and maternity coverage before transfer. Can't we just flip that? We thought so...at first. Now we aren't so sure. We aren't sure about much right now, we are just keeping the faith that our attorneys really are good at what they do, and they will get it all figured out in time.

So as of right now, according to our clinic, I can start my medications on Saturday as long as our contract is finished. My attorney is reviewing the policy I have and the ILL. statute to see if this is good enough in accordance with the law for me to start medications. I will know more on Wednesday afternoon about all of this. My attorney is calling me then after she has time to review everything, and speak with Doug & Charles' attorney.

The end of this complicated process is almost near. Once we have our contract finished and know exactly when I can start medications...it will be so much better.

I do have to say though, my attorney seems really great, and so does theirs, because mine has been working this weekend before Christmas to get things done, and theirs is taking time out of her vacation to speak to my attorney and work on our contract to get it done by the "deadline."

And Doug & Charles have been even more great!! They are so supportive of me, especially when this stressful process has really gotten to me and brought me down. They have been right there to boost me back up, and remind of me of the positive sides of this. They don't think badly of me just because I get down about it. They don't wallow in the negative of the situation. They "keep their eyes on the prize" and push through. They understand this is just a part of the process and never forget that this will all be worth it in the end. They really are a great match for me. Amazing people. Amazing.

I will update again after I hear from my attorney on Wednesday.

In the meantime, Merry Christmas! Have a wonderful holiday and be safe!

Update & Trip to the RE!!

I'm so sorry I have not updated in a while! I will be more on top of it as things progress, I promise.

Well, everything with my test went fine. Not after some serious stressing because we found out that I have a unicornate uterus. Yes, my uterus is "unicorn" shaped. Weird huh? After much research, I learned that it is a birth "defect," it is not very common and the vast majority of women that have it either have fertility issues, have preterm labor and/or breech babies.

I have had none of the above.

It is common for women with this type of uterus to USE surrogate...
I AM the surrogate. :)

That did cause some worry. Lots. Of worry.
But by the RN's report, the RE was not concerned at all with my uterus since I have had 3 great *normal* pregnancies and deliveries. He said obviously I did not have any problems in my past so I will be fine. :) Yay for health!


Next, we made appointments. One on December 21st for the visit with the RE to thoroughly discuss the process I will be going through and fertility medications and one on January 31st for the transfer. :-D


To preserve our January transfer date, George and I did our blood work at our local lab instead of waiting for our appointment with the RE.
That caused more stress.

My TSH (thyroid stimulating hormone) was elevated and a few of my other levels were slightly out of range. The most concerning was the TSH, but still they told me it wasn't alarming. But that didn't deter my worry.
I had to have them redone and see my PCP to be medically cleared again.
Everything went fine! More yay for health!

Add in a lot more bumps with the agency as a result of them not following through as they promise as a company (we will just leave it at that) and it's been a ride so far, but still a good experience overall.



The best part of what has happened lately...Doug and Charles came down yesterday!!!!
They spent most of Saturday with us. We showed them our new house where we are going to be moving, and hung out here at home talking, getting to know everyone better. Made chocolate chip cookies, swapped gifts, talked some more. It was really great. We went to our appointment with my Midwife so that Doug and Charles could meet her and talk with her about my prenatal care and such. We went out to eat, and went our separate ways for the night. We enjoyed having them here so much!
Them coming here just reenforced that this is the best match for me! They really are awesome people and I am so incredibly happy and honored that I get to be a part of extending them as a family.

Doug is on the left, Charles is on the right.


So now, we just need to finish the contract, which will hopefully be done this week. George and I are leaving Thursday evening for our appointment in Chicago on Friday and then on the 29th I will start my fertility meds!!!!



I make it sound so easy and not all that stressful, but I choose to leave out all the legal and procedural details that cause the stress for us. I don't that to be the focus of our journey. Or deter anyone that may be interested in embarking on a surrogacy journey of their own.

Have there been down times? Yes. Have there been stressful times? Yes. Will there be more? Yes. Have the good and exciting, happy things outweighed the bad? Absolutely!!

With every step we take, it becomes more and more real for me that this journey really is well underway and here very soon, I will be waiting to that positive pregnancy test!! I will update more after our trip and our appointment this Friday!!

So now, we are almost through with the contract phase! Hopefully that will be done this week.

Tomorrow...or today; though I prefer to call it tomorrow, as for me, today isn't over until I go to sleep.
Tomorrow, I have my first official medical appointment on my journey as a surrogate.

It's a rather simple test. No lab required. Just me, my dr, a nurse, dye and an ultrasound machine. It's a complicated name. I won't bother you with it. They are looking for any blockage in my fallopian tubes because of an infection I had in my left one when I was a teenager.

As it was told to me, if there is a blockage, there is fluid that builds up. This fluid is deadly to an embryo/fetus. The fluid, should it leak into my uterus will prevent any embryos from implanting. Should a pregnancy take place, any leakage will kill the baby. Any blockage found needs to be removed before transfer takes place. This mostly likely would require removal of the blocked fallopian tube or at the very least, the blocked portion.

Scary huh?
It is.

They will be inserting a dye...well...ya know where...the Dr can see where the dye goes with the ultrasound, if it goes all the way through my tubes...we are good. If not...well something needs to be fixed.
I have also learned that the blockage is not the only thing they can see that could cause a problem with me continuing as a surrogate.
A laceration on my uterus would put me out of the running completely. I don't know what causes them to be present. But I have also learned that they can make it difficult to become pregnant.

Needless to say, I'm a little nervous. Not that I actually have any reason to be. My OB has told me that I more than likely do not have any of those things present. I have had 3 beautiful pregnancies, births, and never had any problems becoming pregnant. If I had any of these things, he is sure he would have noticed SOMETHING in all of the ultrasounds I have had, or I would have had some problems with my fertility before now. Plus, I had a pregnancy a year and a half ago and had no medical issues since that time...so I should be good to go.

Should.
I hate that word.

I wish I already KNEW that I had nothing to worry about.
But then, there would be no reason for this test.

Again, it's not that I actually have a need to think something negative will show on this test. It's that, this journey has really kicked off, after all the time and effort I have put into just matching alone. The match I have is amazing. Doug and Charles are awesome. Truly awesome men. Even the smallest thing can end our journey together in an instant. It's a fragile journey. So I'm nervous about anything that can show that tiniest thing that could end our journey together...not to mention give Doug and Charles more disappointment. They deserve to be parents.

7:30am comes awfully early, especially when it's 1:00am and you are still unable to go to sleep.

I have some herbal sleepy time tea to try to help relax me and help me sleep.

Here's to a few hours sleep and good news from the test tomorrow.

Things just keep rolling forward...birth control started!

I know..."birth control? Aren't you wanting to get pregnant?"

Yes. And birth control is the first step in the process. For my journey.
But I will get to that in a minute.

Not much time has went by. The beginning of October, the 12th to be exact my IPs contacted me right after being accepted by the agency. And now...wow, November 12!
Now as of November 12th, all the foot work stuff is done and we are moving on to the bigger things, the ACTUAL journey. In just one month. It was went so fast, but I'm totally ok with it.

This is what I wanted, so begin right away, and we did. It just happens like that when you have the right match. :)

George and I have had our psych evals done, all the paper work is done, (loads of paper work), all of the other little details. My cycle finally started and I was able to schedule the Hysterosalpingogram.

Hysterosalpingogram? What? You don't know what that is? Ok yeah, I had no clue either. I will be given a dye that will make my uterus and fallopian tubes all very clear on an ultrasound type of device. They are basically just checking for any blockage in my fallopian tubes that would need to be corrected before a transfer.

In preparation for this and a few other reasons, I have had to begin birth control pills. One, to prevent pregnancy. George has a vasectomy, but that is not always fool proof and we want to MAKE SURE Doug and Charles are not disappointed again by something we can control. Two, for purposes of the test, the pill keeps my uterine lining from becoming to thick for the OB to see what he needs to see. Three, the RE (reproductive endocrinologist) will need my cycle to be controlled. So that's how birth control pills fit in to getting pregnant. :)

This Friday, the 16th I have to go in for a pregnancy test, just to make sure we are clear for the test. Then the following Tuesday, the 20th I go in for the hysterosalpingogram. Hopefully by the end of that week the OB will have the report sent to the RE so that I can schedule my appointment with FCI (the fertility clinic) and I will be able to plan my trip to Chicago!! To meet the RE and get the plan laid out for meds and transfer but also to finally meet Doug and Charles face to face!!!

I'm so excited for that! We have exchanged soooo many emails, chat on facebook...I want to meet them!

We have had our share of bumps in this previous busy month, but it has not been enough to set us back. I will continue to keep the faith and moving forward, hoping things keep going as they have been and soon after Christmas we will be planning a transfer!

MATCHED!!!

Holy moly mother of Jesus I have matched!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

There just was no other way to start this post! It deserves every last ounce of excitement that I am feeling!!! I just want to jump up and down around my living room!

I can only imagine how my IPs feel right now!

MY IPs...pure awesomeness right there.

Ok, so. I honestly don't remember right now if I already mentioned this or not, but I have joined up with an agency to try to enhance my chances of matching.

Well, it worked!

I signed up with Family Source Consultants in Chicago, Ill. I received an email today letting me know after reviewing my medical records, I have been approved to move forward with a couple they were trying to match me with!!!!

My IPs (love the sound of that) are Doug and Charles. They are amazing people!! Truly. We have exchanged I don't even know how many emails and I just got a great vibe from them. After reviewing their profile, I KNEW this was the right match for me. I was so worried that the clinic would say no to working with me, and I wouldn't be able to work with these amazing people!

They have such huge hearts, filled with so much love and compassion, not only for each other, but for people and life in general. They are truly each others "other half." I definitely picked that up when reading their profile. They are so excited to become parents and have great plans of how to raise their future children. I am excited to be joining this journey with them!

We have scheduled to Skype (to "meet" face to face) on Sunday evening. Very excited for that. Then after that, we will continue to make appointments for testings and screenings and contracts...so much a head!!!

Things can still turn to where it doesn't work out of course. I am very aware of that. But I'm not going to dwell on that. I'm thinking positive and looking forward to the future and the amazing journey a head.

It's still very surreal for me to think that this is finally, actually happening for me. :):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):)

I really am so very very excited!!!! Plus, I can't wait to be pregnant again. :) Go ahead, call me crazy, I miss it.

A community within a community

So. I found...no she found me...

I was found by IPs...in...WARRENSBURG!!!!

Now, they are TS (traditional surrogate) IPs, BUT still awesome!!!

This is not a community where you find people in the surro community. It just doesn't happen very often in small towns. So I was incredibly blown away when I recieved an email reaching out for support from my own community! So cool!!

I just had to get this out because I was so excited. It maybe hard to grasp for those that do not know much about the journey of surrogacy, but it really is neat to have someone so close, even if you don't carry for them...just to have that support and be able to give support and have someone to talk to that understands the lingo and everything. Love it!!!

As for me...I'm still waiting to hear from the agency about a match. I turned in all of our paperwork and was told they have a few couples in mind for me...so we will see how it goes!

The never beginning journey....

I feel like this journey is never going to start....

Just when I feel like it's getting started, the feeling disappears.

The couple I was "matched" with, came to me. Had such excitement to find me and wanted to move forward with me. Then "decided" to do open adoption instead...

Really? I don't know, maybe my mind is just incredibly screwy, but I would think that this was not something that was discussed throughly and decided upon in 48 hours. One would think this was something they were already considering before expressing such desire to have me be a surrogate for them. One would think.

The email I just received telling me they have changed their mind about the path they were taking was very cold. Not like the other emails we had exchanged.

Yes, this bothers me.

Though, I have to be grateful they even informed me they were no longer wanting to move forward...most of them just never talk to you again.

This is just so incredibly discouraging.

Is it coincidence? Is there something about me people don't like? I don't know. I'm feeling very blue tonight. This was just the icing on the cake (I really hate that analagy) so I'm having a pitty party. With no confetti.

I have been accepted to an agency. I gave in and decided to try that route and see if it goes any better. I have heard both sides to using an agency, so we will see. It can't hurt to try...right?

It doesn't always go the way you imagine....

...and that's ok.

So it has been awhile since I have been here...which I mentioned it would be. Now what I did not realize is how much things were going to change. I am no longer matched with Mabel and Gustavo. Not because of them as people or a couple. I became incredibly worried about them missing the birth of their baby with them being so far away. There were too many variables that risked them missing the birth, and that is a must for me...IPs MUST be there for the birth. Additionally after more research (speaking with experienced GS's and such) the language barrier was something I decided was not going to work for me. Mainly on the issues of making sure everyone understood everything clearly. When there are language differences like that, it can be very difficult to fully understand what one is trying to say, medical terminology is so different, etc. I just felt like there was too much risk for miscommunication that could turn a great match into a horrible journey.

So I regretably backed out.

I then matched up with another international couple from South Africa. That was a disaster. Nothing that impacted me directly, but it was stressful. They wanted to move here, so they claimed. So I agreed to help them find a home and make some changes to it, and help make sure it was ready for them when they got here. When we had found a house and it was time to do the contract, they stopped communicating completely. They haven't even opened any emails from me since then....strange.

There is the possibility that something happened to them....it's a horrible thought. Either of the possibilities is unpleasant. Regardless of the true reason. That fell through.

I re-posted my ad on the surro site and have had good luck with responses. I have also taken the step to contact those IPs I was interested in on the site. This sounds a lot like internet dating....

I now again find myself in communication with two couples....

One from Iowa, one from California. Both great people with beautiful hearts. They each have things about them that make me feel I could work great with them. They also both have things about them that make me say "what if?"

Distance. Finances.

Am I doing this for the money? Absolutely not! Completely from my heart. I cannot ignore the risk I am taking for complete strangers. My body. My life. My family. What my family is risking. It's a great risk for a GREAT purpose, but I have to be safe and make sure my family is taken care of during my journey, and should something happen to me...make sure they are taken care of in my absence.

I understand having to balance finances...Lord knows I understand that all too well. Not everyone has the money to just freely dish out for something like this, it's those people I want to help the most. But it's in the back on my head somewhere; "What if they don't (by their own fault or not) come through with our agreement?" What will I/my family do? It's another risk. Am I willing to take it? My heart says "yes."

Distance. Will they make the birth? Will they travel to be involved? What if they miss it, and here I am sitting here with their baby in my arms...waiting for them to arrive...whenever that may be... This is just the "not so fun" side of this journey. I know the fun part is not far behind.

Decisions to be made. Conversations to be had.

I cannot wait til it's time to move forward. Really start the journey. Go to appointments, sign contracts, get a transfer, see a positive pregnancy test!!!

Patience. I feel the right match is very close. Very. close. I may have potentially matched with one of the couples, we have agreed to move forward together...we will see how far it goes. I'm not getting myself to psyched up yet, but I am hopeful. Always hopeful.

MATCHED!!!

I'VE MATCHED!!!!!!!!!!!

Let me say that again...

I. HAVE. MATCHED!!!!!!!

:):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):) Me so happy!!! Though it did take several months, it did not take as long as I thought it would. Being that I want to have a home/water birth, it usually takes longer to find a match. But I found one! Or actually...they found me. :)

They are the couple from Mexico I mentioned in an earlier post. I have already spoken with them about my blog and have their permission to blog about our journey together, and to disclose who they are. (They read my blog) :)

We have had our first Skype meeting, and it went great!! There is a language barrier, but their daughter is able to help with that for now. I enjoyed the 45 minutes we spent getting to know each other more. It definitely helped me to be sure that this is the right couple for me.

So I am proud to introduce Mabel and Gustavo as the couple I will (hopefully) carry a baby for, and I couldn't be happier!! I am truly blessed to have them as IPs! They are soooo sweet, and genuine. Mabel and Gustavo have been so accepting of me and are always asking to learn more about our family and our activities. We work together so well, they never demand anything from me, they always suggest or ask if I am ok with something, and if I'm not, we figure something else out.

So respectful. So kind. So grateful. Compassionate. Willing. Heartfelt.

These are the words I use to describe them in my eyes. I don't have to wonder or hope, I can FEEL how grateful they are and how compassionate they are. They were so eager to learn more when I shared with them my passion for pregnancy, women, labor, etc, and my business as a doula. They asked many questions and went over all the resources I provided and gave great feedback. They enjoy learning about what interests me...the woman they have chosen to carry their child.

I couldn't have asked for a better family. Thank you Mabel and Gustavo for choosing ME to join this journey with you. That is all for now.

I just wanted to update all of my followers that I know have been dying to know if I matched yet, and to give a brief introduction of the couple. We are going to wait till we have made a contract with our lawyers to blog more about our experience together. So it may be awhile before you hear from me again on this blog. But don't worry! As soon as we have a contract, I will updated on a regular basis, and include lots of pictures!! See you all soon!

Maybe

Maybe...

just maybe...I have found my IPs.

Maybe.

I don't want to jinx anything. But I have to think that this might be it.

I hope so. I really want to help this couple. They seem great.

They live in Mexico...crazy I know. But they are very sweet. They don't speak English. Their daughter translates for them, but...it works. They informed me in their last email that their first priority was to find a surrogate then they would find an attorney to start the process. I just received another email from them, stating that they are now searching for an attorney!!

Ok, I'm going against the beginning of this post....I think this is it!!!

I'm trying not to get too excited, things still may not work out....BUT... It's so promising it's very hard not to!! :) Well I'm going to stop here, before I get too excited and jinx things...haha.

Wish me luck that my IP search is over!

Patience

I have decided to stop trying to hard to find that "perfect match" of IPs.

Funny that when I decided that, I suddenly have people emailing me every few days. As of right now I have 3 families I am speaking with to see if we are a match. I'm hopeful, but I'm patient. I don't rush to the computer to respond to them (don't get me wrong, I respond in a timely manner, I'm just much more calm about it).

I have learned I need to save the excitement for when it's really due. When we match. But again, I am hopeful. I'm containing myself when a family I find to be a potential match contacts me.

I'm patient.

Ok, I'm trying to be patient.

But I'm doing a good job...

I think...

Well, that's all for now.

I don't want to jinx anything...

Disappointment

I am so disappointed right now I could cry.

Just in the last few days I have had so,many emails with 3 couples that were very good potential IPs for me. Literally I could have been a GS for any of them. But it's not going to happen because of their clinics thoughts on my medical history.

I have had some bumps but they have not prevented me from having 3 beautiful pregnancies and births. But the clinics seem to think I can't be a carrier of someone else's baby.

It's incredibly frustrating.

Almost makes me angry.

I almost want to contact these places and yell at them telling them I'm not incapable of having a great pregnancy for someone.
I'm so.....negative right now I don't even want to blog. That's bad.

Response #6 & #7

Well I haven't heard back from the couple in Marshall since they asked about the fee. That's pretty normal though...oh well.

Still waiting days in between emails with the Texas couple. It's kind of irritating. They expressed this huge desire to have a GS to have a baby, but they are very slow to respond. I know there are several reasons this could be, but it just gives me an "off" sort of vibe. They are the first couple I have interacted with so far that has not been quick with emails. Everyone else I have spoken with seems to be very eager to get things going...I don't know, this is all still pretty new to me...

I had two new responses today. The second one seems like some kind of a scam though. Like an agency poking around at individual ads (they aren't supposed to do that). So I'm not paying it much attention.

But the other one I got sounded really good. Actually gave me goosebumps reading the email. It is a couple from New York City. I won't go through details right now, as we have only exchanged introductory emails, but I have a good feeling. I hope she responds back today...I'm very anxious to see if we are a match. It's one of the most difficult parts...

Response #5

I just received my 5th response...and the woman is in Marshall, Missouri!!!

She was just about as excited as I am for that news!! We have each only exchanged one email, but STILL...it is always very exciting to find someone close, when that is what your preference is. I responded back to her, so I am ANXIOUSLY awaiting her response.

Yes, I know that just because she is so close, does not mean we will be a good match, or that it will happen. BUT still something to be excited about! :)

We shall see...

New Journey

I'm starting a new journey; and it's a big one. After years, and I do mean years, of thinking, research, contemplating, and more research, I have decided to become a gestational surrogate. It's big deal I know. I have researched so much, and had the privilage of speaking with a well known attorney who specializes in this area, and with experienced GSs. I have to say I am so thrilled to be on this journey to help a couple or single parent to have their dream baby. I cannot imagine what it would be like to try for years only to fail to have a baby of my own. I feel a strong pull to join someone in their journey to have just that.

I actually began this journey not long ago, and on the last night of my doula training I recently completed, one of my training mates gave me a great idea (Thanks Nikki!), to blog my experience. I thought that would be a great way to share my journey, as well as a great way to process during the journey when needed. Of course privacy of all IPs will be respected unless they give me their permission to disclose whom they are. (When I ever get matched). So that is what this blog will be about. I appreciate all those who follow this blog, and hope it touches each of you in some way.

On May 01, 2012 I posted my first ad as a gestational surrogate searching for the right independent parents to match with. I wasn't too sure what to expect. I felt good about it though, and a little nervous about how intended parents that came across my ad would percieve me as a potential GS. This is process is a whole different ballgame than anything I have ever subjected myself to, and the feelings were different as well. So I placed my ad with butterflies in my stomach, and waited...

On May 03, 2012 @ 2:55pm, I recieved my first response. I couldn't believe it happened that quick! I instantly became so excited and nervous to read what these IPs had said to me I began to shake a little! I was surprised at my phyisiological response! I opened the email to read that a couple (so cute by the way in the pics they sent), from Illinois wanted me to be their surrogate.

Now I have been advised that if something seems a little off, or the IPs are a bit too eager in the first communications to make you their "one," that is not a right fit.

And that is just how I felt. While I felt so honored that someone out there actually wanted ME to be that person for them, it just didn't feel right for me, so I declined.* And the wait continued...

On May 07, 2012, I received a second response. This time from a couple in St. Louis, and they seemed like the perfect match!! I was so excited when I read their email!! It just felt right. But that too didn't work out. A part of my situation didn't bode well with them, and they declined. A little disappointment...but I knew this could take a while so I continued to wait...

May 14, 2012 @ 11:25pm, I received a 3rd response. Another couple, who live in Texas. We are actually still have communication, nothing has been decided yet. They must be very busy people, because days go by in between responses from them, which is fine...it makes me so anxious. I am so eager (but not too eager...too eager=danger), to start this process...I'm currently waiting for a response from them...it has been two day...

In the mean time, I received a 4th response on the morning of May 15, 2012, this one was so odd, I immediately had bad feelings and declined just as quickly as the feelings came. The way this person expressed them self to me alarmed me at why they even were trying to become a parent, and made me feel as though I did not want to be a part of that. It was so strange...I couldn't believe there are people out there like that!! Even more blown away that people actually think others will be ok helping them become parents with "interests" like these. It was very unsettling.

So now I continue to wait for the response of the Texas couple, and any other response to my ad. I have also been doing some IP searching, and found 2 that I have sent beginning emails to, to see if they respond, and if they do, what will come out of them. I continue to be anxious, but patient (oxymoron right?) I continue to be hopeful (no pun intended).

Hopefully soon...