Tuesday, September 25, 2012

A community within a community

So. I found...no she found me...

I was found by IPs...in...WARRENSBURG!!!!

Now, they are TS (traditional surrogate) IPs, BUT still awesome!!!

This is not a community where you find people in the surro community. It just doesn't happen very often in small towns. So I was incredibly blown away when I recieved an email reaching out for support from my own community! So cool!!

I just had to get this out because I was so excited. It maybe hard to grasp for those that do not know much about the journey of surrogacy, but it really is neat to have someone so close, even if you don't carry for them...just to have that support and be able to give support and have someone to talk to that understands the lingo and everything. Love it!!!

As for me...I'm still waiting to hear from the agency about a match. I turned in all of our paperwork and was told they have a few couples in mind for me...so we will see how it goes!

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

The never beginning journey....

I feel like this journey is never going to start....

Just when I feel like it's getting started, the feeling disappears.

The couple I was "matched" with, came to me. Had such excitement to find me and wanted to move forward with me. Then "decided" to do open adoption instead...

Really? I don't know, maybe my mind is just incredibly screwy, but I would think that this was not something that was discussed throughly and decided upon in 48 hours. One would think this was something they were already considering before expressing such desire to have me be a surrogate for them. One would think.

The email I just received telling me they have changed their mind about the path they were taking was very cold. Not like the other emails we had exchanged.

Yes, this bothers me.

Though, I have to be grateful they even informed me they were no longer wanting to move forward...most of them just never talk to you again.

This is just so incredibly discouraging.

Is it coincidence? Is there something about me people don't like? I don't know. I'm feeling very blue tonight. This was just the icing on the cake (I really hate that analagy) so I'm having a pitty party. With no confetti.

I have been accepted to an agency. I gave in and decided to try that route and see if it goes any better. I have heard both sides to using an agency, so we will see. It can't hurt to try...right?

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

It doesn't always go the way you imagine....

...and that's ok.

So it has been awhile since I have been here...which I mentioned it would be. Now what I did not realize is how much things were going to change. I am no longer matched with Mabel and Gustavo. Not because of them as people or a couple. I became incredibly worried about them missing the birth of their baby with them being so far away. There were too many variables that risked them missing the birth, and that is a must for me...IPs MUST be there for the birth. Additionally after more research (speaking with experienced GS's and such) the language barrier was something I decided was not going to work for me. Mainly on the issues of making sure everyone understood everything clearly. When there are language differences like that, it can be very difficult to fully understand what one is trying to say, medical terminology is so different, etc. I just felt like there was too much risk for miscommunication that could turn a great match into a horrible journey.

So I regretably backed out.

I then matched up with another international couple from South Africa. That was a disaster. Nothing that impacted me directly, but it was stressful. They wanted to move here, so they claimed. So I agreed to help them find a home and make some changes to it, and help make sure it was ready for them when they got here. When we had found a house and it was time to do the contract, they stopped communicating completely. They haven't even opened any emails from me since then....strange.

There is the possibility that something happened to them....it's a horrible thought. Either of the possibilities is unpleasant. Regardless of the true reason. That fell through.

I re-posted my ad on the surro site and have had good luck with responses. I have also taken the step to contact those IPs I was interested in on the site. This sounds a lot like internet dating....

I now again find myself in communication with two couples....

One from Iowa, one from California. Both great people with beautiful hearts. They each have things about them that make me feel I could work great with them. They also both have things about them that make me say "what if?"

Distance. Finances.

Am I doing this for the money? Absolutely not! Completely from my heart. I cannot ignore the risk I am taking for complete strangers. My body. My life. My family. What my family is risking. It's a great risk for a GREAT purpose, but I have to be safe and make sure my family is taken care of during my journey, and should something happen to me...make sure they are taken care of in my absence.

I understand having to balance finances...Lord knows I understand that all too well. Not everyone has the money to just freely dish out for something like this, it's those people I want to help the most. But it's in the back on my head somewhere; "What if they don't (by their own fault or not) come through with our agreement?" What will I/my family do? It's another risk. Am I willing to take it? My heart says "yes."

Distance. Will they make the birth? Will they travel to be involved? What if they miss it, and here I am sitting here with their baby in my arms...waiting for them to arrive...whenever that may be... This is just the "not so fun" side of this journey. I know the fun part is not far behind.

Decisions to be made. Conversations to be had.

I cannot wait til it's time to move forward. Really start the journey. Go to appointments, sign contracts, get a transfer, see a positive pregnancy test!!!

Patience. I feel the right match is very close. Very. close. I may have potentially matched with one of the couples, we have agreed to move forward together...we will see how far it goes. I'm not getting myself to psyched up yet, but I am hopeful. Always hopeful.