...and that's ok.
So it has been awhile since I have been here...which I mentioned it would be. Now what I did not realize is how much things were going to change. I am no longer matched with Mabel and Gustavo. Not because of them as people or a couple. I became incredibly worried about them missing the birth of their baby with them being so far away. There were too many variables that risked them missing the birth, and that is a must for me...IPs MUST be there for the birth. Additionally after more research (speaking with experienced GS's and such) the language barrier was something I decided was not going to work for me. Mainly on the issues of making sure everyone understood everything clearly. When there are language differences like that, it can be very difficult to fully understand what one is trying to say, medical terminology is so different, etc. I just felt like there was too much risk for miscommunication that could turn a great match into a horrible journey.
So I regretably backed out.
I then matched up with another international couple from South Africa. That was a disaster. Nothing that impacted me directly, but it was stressful. They wanted to move here, so they claimed. So I agreed to help them find a home and make some changes to it, and help make sure it was ready for them when they got here. When we had found a house and it was time to do the contract, they stopped communicating completely. They haven't even opened any emails from me since then....strange.
There is the possibility that something happened to them....it's a horrible thought. Either of the possibilities is unpleasant. Regardless of the true reason. That fell through.
I re-posted my ad on the surro site and have had good luck with responses. I have also taken the step to contact those IPs I was interested in on the site. This sounds a lot like internet dating....
I now again find myself in communication with two couples....
One from Iowa, one from California. Both great people with beautiful hearts. They each have things about them that make me feel I could work great with them. They also both have things about them that make me say "what if?"
Am I doing this for the money? Absolutely not! Completely from my heart. I cannot ignore the risk I am taking for complete strangers. My body. My life. My family. What my family is risking. It's a great risk for a GREAT purpose, but I have to be safe and make sure my family is taken care of during my journey, and should something happen to me...make sure they are taken care of in my absence.
I understand having to balance finances...Lord knows I understand that all too well. Not everyone has the money to just freely dish out for something like this, it's those people I want to help the most. But it's in the back on my head somewhere; "What if they don't (by their own fault or not) come through with our agreement?" What will I/my family do? It's another risk. Am I willing to take it? My heart says "yes."
Distance. Will they make the birth? Will they travel to be involved? What if they miss it, and here I am sitting here with their baby in my arms...waiting for them to arrive...whenever that may be... This is just the "not so fun" side of this journey. I know the fun part is not far behind.
Decisions to be made. Conversations to be had.
I cannot wait til it's time to move forward. Really start the journey. Go to appointments, sign contracts, get a transfer, see a positive pregnancy test!!!
Patience. I feel the right match is very close. Very. close. I may have potentially matched with one of the couples, we have agreed to move forward together...we will see how far it goes. I'm not getting myself to psyched up yet, but I am hopeful. Always hopeful.