Baby Blues

It's been 4 days since Baby William's birth. And I'm blue.

There is so much I have been trying to process in these last four days. It's kind of overwhelming.

I haven't written his birth story yet. It all happened so quickly, the memory of it for me is all jumbled. So I'm waiting for the written accounts of everyone's experience that was there, to help me put it all together a little better before I write it.

It was a beautiful experience, beautiful birth, and William deserves a beautiful, detailed story about the day he was born.
I know that's contributing to my blueness...

(That was what I started 2 days ago.) Here I am now, at 12:36am, one hour short of it being exactly one week since his birth, finishing it...



It has already been one week since Baby William was born. This week has really flown. Really. flown.
The end came so incredibly quick. I kind of feel like I almost missed it.

This past week has been one of miracles, amazement, wonder, beauty, sadness, and disappointment.
The birth of Baby William...oh what a beautiful birth it was....details on that in his birth story.

For the first few days, I was really surprised; I felt so wonderful. I really did.

Then 4 days after his birth...
...it happened.

The post-partum blues.
I just felt...I don't even know...
I found myself just blankly wandering around my house. I didn't even realize it at first. I felt like I wanted to do something; clean, organize, anything. But I just felt lost on how to start, like...I didn't know what to do and all I wanted to do was clean.

It was the sound. The house was suddenly so quiet. For weeks it had not been so quiet. There were appointments, and my friend staying with us to help me out, Doug and Charles were there, then the birth, and the house was full of people. So full of kind hearted people that I loved.

then.
suddenly.
they were all gone.
and the house was quiet.
I didn't know what to do with it.
I broke.
I just cried. and cried. and cried. Without even knowing why. I just. cried.

Was I sad? Not really. Not for the reasons I know people will think anyway. Seeing Doug and Charles with their new baby boy in their arms...made me so happy, at times I just sat and watched them interact together, with their son; with a stuck on smile on my face.

Yes, I was sad because I missed them.
Doug. Charles. Baby William.
We had a mini tradition if you will of them coming over every Sunday to watch football and do their laundry. That wasn't happening this coming Sunday.
I missed them. All. three. of them.

But mostly, what was getting to me, was the adjustment of everything.
I was really enjoying not having an infant to look after! (That hasn't changed! haha) But it was just the adjustment to that fact. My doula put it well, my mind was well prepared for that, but my body wasn't. A woman's body is engineered to gear up through hormones, for the care of the infant after birth. My body did not know (or care) that the baby wasn't meant for me, no matter how much I knew that in my head and was prepared for it. She explained it like this: it's like the day after Christmas. You are so excited and spend so much time and effort for that one day, and then it's over...just...like..that. Done.

I felt like...I wasn't doing something important that I should be doing. That is the best way I can figure out to explain it. I was ok with that of course, but it almost felt like I was doing something wrong.
It really is difficult to explain to those who have never experienced it.

Through talking it out, mostly with my wonderful doula, I came to the realization that, no matter what people tell me, I am NOT superwoman ;) and that my sudden set of the blues was a mixture of normal after baby blues, the unique adjustment I was making, missing the guys, and feeling disappointed in myself for how I was feeling. Like somehow, I was bad for feeling so down. Even for a moment.

I didn't want to feel badly, in any way, shape, or form. I had myself blinded and completely disregarded the fact that no matter how I felt about the journey ending, that normal post-partum blues could still happen, and probably would still happen. The fact that I didn't prepare myself for that, I think exacerbated the rest of it.

I'm better now. I talked about it with my doula. I had my placenta encapsulated (I hadn't taken it like I was supposed to that day either) and made sure to take it on schedule to see if that would help (it totally did), and I Skyped with the guys and Baby William (and Tivo!).

I have said it before, I will say it a million times more...I am so lucky to have the IPs that I do. They are amazing people. We really do have a great friendship. Charles messaged me to make sure I was ok. He offered to Skype with me, so we could talk and I could see them and Baby William, thinking that would help me feel better. I was a mess, and really wasn't sure if that was the best idea, but accepted his offer. I'm glad I did. We had a nice little talk and I got updates and little stories about how they were doing and the little things they had already experienced in their new parenthood. I got to see little Baby William...he is so cute!!!
Having that time on Skype really helped. Just talking to Charles really helped. He offered for us to Skype on a regular basis, saying that he thought it would be good for all of us to do.

I was really disappointed in myself for feeling so down. But I came to realize that I am feeling what I'm feeling, and I can't change it. I accepted that for a moment, I wasn't "superwoman", but a normal, feeling, human.

Just like that, I felt better.

It's ok to miss them. Because we ARE friends...no...we are FAMILY. (I remember Doug saying that the day they left in between streams of tears).
Our family was extended by 3 wonderful people. (and Tivo)

Enough with the heavy. I'm feeling much better now. I am still emotional. (Hell I have always been an emotional person) But for all good reasons. I'm still kind of in awe that I had a home water birth. That alone gives me such a sense of accomplishment, on top of being a surrogate, that I get teary. But it's all good. :)

I'm getting back to my life slowly. The week of recovery I had to take slowed me down a bit, but I'm healing so well, I feel great! And I'm back to being able to clean my own house, and chase (ok, walk) after my kids. I can walk and not hurt! haha.
It feels good to have my body back. (No offense Baby William! I loved carrying you, but man did you do a number to my pelvis and ribs! haha)
It feels good to be able to easily bend and put my shoes on!
Oh it's the simple joys in life. :-D

Don't worry, Baby William's birth story IS coming soon! As soon as I get the personal accounts of the others that were there to help me piece it all together. I have it started, but there are holes. :-/ I don't like holes.

We had a birth photographer there also, and she took some amazing photos! Rachel at Tripp Over Love Photography did such an amazing job! I'm so glad she was there to capture these precious moments for both the guys (becoming parents) and myself (first home/water birth). So much accomplishment all the way around to capture on film. :)


So what am I doing now? Well, now my time is filled with pumping! Yay boobie juice! This milk was made for Baby William. I am a passionate advocate for breast feeding/breast milk. So I'm pumping for as long as I can, and sending the milk to Baby William. It was kind of a slow start. I have never exclusively pumped before, (I nursed my kids and pumped, but never just pumped...that is whole different ball game) so I wasn't sure what to expect. I went to visit a lactation consultant and got some great tips and advice. Now one week after the birth, I am pumping a good amount and damn proud of it!!! I just hope I can keep pumping this amount for a good while. I'm already stocked up with lactation cookies, lactation tincture, and lactation tea to help keep my supply up, should it start to drop before we are ready for it to.

I got this! Boobie power!!!
Ok, ok, now I'm just being goofy...in my defense, it's almost two in the morning. :)


Hopefully the next update will be the birth story...hint...hint...to those I'm waiting on. ;)


Happy one week Baby William!!! One week old and already changed so many lives!

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37 weeks!!

This is me at 36 weeks. (This is the last belly shot I took. Kind of sad about that)

A good friend of mine made this shirt for me! I love it.



Well, bed rest still sucks. Stir crazy does not even begin to describe how I feel. I'm not on complete rest anymore, now that I am 37 weeks, we are considered full term, so the worry really isn't there anymore if he was born now. But, still would like him to stay in as long as he needs too, so I still have to be careful about things I do.
My friend that has been helping out is still here and still helping.
Man oh man am I grateful for having such a good friend that is able and willing to stay with us to help out like this. She even drives with me to class because I live 30min away from home, just in case I go into labor while in class, she can drive me home. She has truly been a Godsend to me during these last couple of weeks. Don't know what I would do without her help.

Doug and Charles are here, just about 15 minutes up the road. I really like having them so close. We get to spend more time together. They get to come to the check-ups, and they WILL be there for the birth...no chance of them missing it. It really has eased a lot from my shoulders having them so close.

Nothing else has changed. Baby boy is still doing well. I'm still uncomfortable, haha
I have been having prodromal labor. Not exactly what I call fun. It really keeps me on my toes.

I have never experienced prodromal labor before, so this is completely new to me. As a doula, I have had clients that had this, but I myself...had no clue what it felt like. I do now and I can't say that I like it. Though, my midwife keeps telling me that typically, women that have prodromal labor, have shorter deliveries. We shall see if that rings true with me.

That's it for this tale. Every day we get through is a day closer to baby boy arriving earth side. We continue to wait patiently. (mostly) :)

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Pre-term Labor & Bed Rest

This was me at 35 weeks.


Today, I am 35wks, 5ds.

This last month there have been a lot of changes. First for the boring stuff. We got the birth certificate stuff worked out finally! We made a court date finally, and my attorney spoke with the judge to prepare. The judge informed her he was happy with the documents we had submitted and was not going to require us to appear in court!
Woo-hoo!!!!
So that stress is done with.

Baby boy has continued to grow well. I have been seeing my Midwife on a weekly basis for a while now. We are pretty sure he is a decent sized baby. His head is in my pelvis, butt just under my breasts, legs folded, feet in ribs. When he moves, I'm always having to move around and lean to one side; do whatever I can to accommodate his position to give myself some relief. It's pretty uncomfortable most of the time. haha. But I'm used to it by now. Just one of the things we women deal with for those amazing tiny people. :) So I really don't mind.

As for baby boy, he has been trying to make his appearance too early. At 35wks, 1dy I was having some very strange pains in my pelvis and cervix and lots of pressure. After going in to see my Midwife because of that, we found out that I was 100% effaced (cervix completely thinned out ready for labor) and 2cm dilated. I had already lost my mucus plug, and my Midwife was able to feel the amniotic sac.
Thinning and dilating weeks before labor is common the more pregnancies you have, and this is my fourth delivery, but I just can't get mentally comfortable with being completely effaced already at only 35 weeks. I won't lie, it is weighing on me and keeping me worried. I'm very careful about the movements I make, making sure not to put additional pressure on my pelvis. I was put on partial bed rest with some very specific instructions until I saw my Midwife again for a check. That bed rest thing isn't easy for me...

Two days later, at 35wks, 3ds I saw my Midwife again and she checked me again, there was ZERO cervical change. GOOD NEWS!!! So I was no longer confined to my bed, but still had some instructions just to be safe. Light activity, no stairs.
We can do this, everything is going to be ok.

So here I was last night (Thursday) and suddenly started having contractions that were averaging 5 minutes apart, lasting for an average of 1 minute.
not. good.

Especially this being the second time this has happened. (I don't remember if I posted about that last time, but this happened several weeks ago). It went on for a couple of hours. I followed my Midwife's protocol to attempt to stop the contractions and they finally slowed down enough that we figured I would be ok for the night. They never did STOP, but they slowed down. Scary stuff I tell ya.

I have never had to worry about pre term labor before. I have never been this close to labor before 36wks before. I tell ya, I don't like it. I'm still having these contractions today, but they are not at all consistent, which is a good sign.
Inconsistent = no baby.

However, I am now on full bed rest. No classes. No walking. No standing. No nothing. Butt on couch or in tub only. I have never had to be on bed rest before in my life. This is a new experience for me. I have come to the conclusion:

BED REST BITES!!

But it's for a worthy cause, so I'm ok with it. I may be going stir crazy (STIR. CRAZY. I tell ya), but I'm ok with it. All for the sake of this little baby boy. I will do anything to keep him in as long as I can. I want to do everything I can to make sure Doug and Charles get a beautiful healthy baby boy, and don't have to go through the agony of having a newborn in NICU.

Doug and Charles will be here tomorrow. They are driving down in the morning to be here just in case their son decides to go ahead and quit teasing us and makes his appearance. With the way this little guy has been going, we just can't feel confident one way or another; if he will stay in long enough or not!

But I am excited they will finally be down here really soon!
I'm so excited for them to finally be able to feel him move in my belly!!!

I have been so fortunate to have a good friend of mine stay with us, to help me since being put on bed rest. With 3 children to care for, one being only 2 years old, bed rest isn't exactly doable. But having my friend here has been SO INCREDIBLY helpful!!! She is helping with my housework, caring for my kids, helping with shopping....just being so amazing! As hard as this is for me, being on bed rest (I am SO NOT a couch loafing kind of person), I appreciate her so much for all she is doing for me and my family right now. Seriously an amazing person to devote so much time and effort to us. Huge heart, great woman.

So I'm here, hanging out on the couch, keeping the legs crossed super tight, hoping he stays in, watching my 2yr old wrestle around with my helpful friend. :-D

Chugging on through the 3rd Trimester!

Please forgive me!!! I know it has been over 2 months since my last post, lots of folks have been reminding me. :) Life is just so busy! I need an assistant...any takers?!

This is my most recent belly picture. 29 weeks, 2 days! Hubby and I were getting ready to go out for our anniversary dinner.



Lots has happened. Let's see if I can remember to add everything...probably not. Thanks pregnancy brain. haha

Ok, well for the most part, nothing major has happened. The pregnancy has continued to be smooth sailing.

In July, I took a trip for a class to Jamaica to teach underprivileged youth. We were there in a local town, getting a local experience for one week. It was quite the experience I have to say. I had to be very careful because of the heat. We were there, living in local homes, with no air conditioning or hot water. We lived in Jamaica for a week without any air conditioning at all, and outside most of the time. Which was actually better than being inside with all the homes and buildings being made of steel and concrete. I kept a cool rag on my neck ALL THE TIME, and never went without ice water. I managed though, with the help of my midwife (via phone) and the family I stayed with, and the community we were in. They were so great at making sure I had what I needed, and that I was taken care of. :)

This is me at 23 weeks in Jamaica! It was a little awkward at first to have my belly being bared for all to see, but the Jamaicans loved it! haha. They definitely made a very pregnant white girl feel comfortable. :)

The worst thing that has happened, is I ended up having an extremely bad urinary tract infection. Something I am not new to, but was new to this level of infection; it was by far the worst I have ever had. So much so, it had us all thinking something else was going on. After a very overly, unnecessary, dramatic trip to the ER (driven by worried mother, speeding, pulled over, cop overreacting to situation, ambulance was called, treatment as I was in preterm labor)we found that it was in fact, just a UTI, nothing more. It was just at a higher level of infection in my body than I have experienced before. I was taken care of very well and the infection was treated and everything went right back to normal. :)

I will tell you though! That was one ER trip I will never forget! haha. At least the cop was very concerned and understood the importance of the situation, had it been to the extreme he treated it as it was.

While at the hospital, I had an ultrasound done of baby boy, just to make sure he was ok in there. The technician was able to get a great picture of his face! So cute, you can see those little chubby cheeks already!


That's about all the excitement we have had so far. :)
Still so incredibly fortunate that nothing has actually been SERIOUS. All still minor little bumps that just happen in life. I continue feeling blessed to have such a great journey. I'm pretty sure there is a surrogacy angel in control somewhere. :)



The third trimester has been pretty typical. So much movement!!! This is little guy is STRONG! My placenta is anterior...

To help those that do know the significance of that, it can make it difficult to hear the
baby's heart beat early in pregnancy (which is was), and baby movements are not near as
easily felt. Typically. This baby boy is the exception to that.

I have had absolutely NO problems feeling him at all! lol. No decrease in the ability to feel him move. He kicks and punches, and jabs, and lets himself be known in there for sure! Strong baby boy. :)
I have to say, the third trimester is my favorite. So much activity, and you can "play" with the baby. Lol.
My hubby is so sweet, and rubs my belly for me. It feels soooooooo good, not really sure why, but it does. One night while he was doing this, baby boy started kicking his hands. So my hubby began to "play" by putting his hand on my belly, and baby would kick. Hubby moved his hand to another location...kick. Move it again....kick. No matter where he moved his hand, baby boy would kick it. It was funny!

I felt sad that Doug and Charles couldn't be there to experience that, but I shared the fun story with them! They were tickled by it. :) When they finally get to come down, they get to experience some of this fun part....I can't wait to see them interact with their baby inutero.

I love watching my belly. When he is active, it is incredibly entertaining! I have taken a few videos for Doug and Charles to see it, (having trouble sending it to them, technology is not always my friend). I can't wait to hear their reactions!
The last week or so, movement has slowed down. I am now at 31 weeks, 3 days, and baby boy is head down, and running out of room.

Our long-term followers may remember us finding out that I have a unicornate uterus. For those that do not, that means I am missing a lobe of my uterus. The upper left lobe that connects with the fallopian tube to be exact. So baby boy doesn't have quite as much room as he really should have, so it gets a little tighter in there a little quicker than normal. We are both fine, I just get uncomfortable quicker. haha.

I also have a condition with my pelvis. I had it with my youngest child, and so of course, it is present now as well. It is quite common actually, symphysis pubis dysfunction. Not fun. With my last pregnancy, I was so incredibly miserable, I could barely move, it killed me to walk....it was just horrible. Mainly because I was never told there were ways to manage the condition and the pain. This time, I have a great provider and more knowledge myself. I have been seeing a chiropractor the entire pregnancy, and it has helped SO MUCH!!
With classes being back in session, I am walking all over campus so it can get kind of painful sometimes. But that chiro really helps and wrapping my hips really helps too. So it's not nearly as inconvenient as my last pregnancy.

When you know better, you do better. :) (love that phrase)

Seriously ladies, if you get pregnant in the future, or are now, and aren't doing so already, SEE A CHIROPRACTOR DURING PREGNANCY!!! You will NOT regret it! It makes late pregnancy so much more comfortable and tolerable. Seriously.

So other than the stiff rib kicks, bladder jabs, and the day or two before I see the chiropractor, I'm not THAT uncomfortable. Definitely a plus I would say! :)



The downfall if you will, with surrogacy, is all the legal stuff. No one likes the legal stuff. It gives ya a headache. Right now, it seems like we are rushing the labor clock. Because of the difference in laws in Missouri and Illinois, concerning both surrogacy, and same-sex parenting, we all have to sign court documents stating every little detail about the surrogacy, how the baby came to be alive and everyone's involvement, in addition to the fact of me signing over my "parental rights" once baby is born, so that Charles can be on the birth certificate, and then Doug can adopt baby boy when they return home.
Understandable right? Right. The problem has been...the attorneys. *sigh* This all started in June. We were under the impression we would have this court date done and everything ready for birth by August at the latest. Well here we are, nearing the middle of September, still with no court date. grrrrr......this MUST be done before baby boy arrives. Which is only 9 weeks away by EDD, but in my case, may very well be only 6 weeks away, and in the legal world, 6 weeks is not very long at all!!! If this is not done before he arrives, it can still be done of course, but it will make the process more difficult, and take much longer, which could potentially keep the guys from taking their precious baby home. I don't want to see that happen. These attorney's better hurry up!! haha

It is what it is, it's out of our hands. All we can do is wait. And so we wait...

On a better note, the guys will be coming down soon, and we should be doing a maternity photo shoot. Just because they are using a surrogate, doesn't mean they don't deserve to have those shots too. So we are going to get creative and have some fun getting some photos of us together and this big 'ol belly that homes their unborn son. :)

As we draw nearer to baby boy's day of arrival, we have finalized the birth plans and making sure we are prepared with all the tools necessary.
Baby boy will be born at my home. Ideally in water (unless I decide in labor I don't like the water). I'm very excited for their baby to be born in that kind of calming, quiet, soothing atmosphere, vs the high energy, bright light, anxiety filled atmosphere of a hospital.
The birth kit has arrived and I have everything ready at home for the big day (minus the birth pool which will be coming soon). Doug and Charles were so sweet to make sure I have everything I feel I will need for my post partum healing, and I now have all of that as well. They take such good care of me. :)

They are going to be GREAT parents.

Right now at this very moment, I'm battling allergies (hate you ragweed) but enjoying these last few weeks of pregnancy. I keep getting questions about if I'm ready for it to be over.

No.

It's bittersweet actually. At times I am ready to be done with pregnancy. But most of the time, I'm not. Because I know I will never get to experience this again. And again, depending on the day, depends on how Ok with that I am. The miracle of pregnancy never fails to amaze me, and I never get tired of it.

But at the same time, I am so anxious to see Doug and Charles holding their baby finally!!!! Sometimes I try to imagine what their reactions are going to be to him finally coming earth side. Oh it's going to be so amazing to watch that.
I'm so glad we are going to have a photographer there to capture that moment for them. It is definitely going to be priceless. :)

I will be updating more often. Making sure to document as much during these last few weeks, since things will be changing somewhat rapidly from here on out.



P.S. I have created a FB page specially for our surrogacy journey. I never, ever, thought we would gain such a volume of readers and followers. That was never my intention in starting this blog and sharing my journey. I just wanted to document the pregnancy for the guys and myself, and maybe help some others understand what we are doing. But our story really soared into the public. I was becoming too overwhelmed with trying to keep everyone updated with everything. I had to post to several different places, and the guys had to post, and it was just chaotic. Lol. So I thought having ONE central location for info and updates would make it easier for us all, and be able to allow people to interact with us if they chose. (so many questions to be asked) :)
This blog will not end at baby boy's arrival. My journey will continue as I exclusively pump for him and that alone comes with it's own challenges. I will be giving updates on his well being and his (I know will be) wonderful life with his daddies.

So if you haven't already, and would like to follow us on our new Facebook page and so you don't miss baby boy's arrival: here is the link:

https://www.facebook.com/pages/My-Surrogacy-Journey/329999400470102

"like" the page, so you get the updates in your news feed.

Thank you to everyone that follows our journey. Friends. Family. Strangers. Whether you know it or not, you all have provided so much support for us (especially me) and I can't tell you thank you enough or how much I know we all appreciate it.

Much love.

Half-way There and Gender Update!!!

Whoo! 20 weeks and 1 day, we are half way there!!!
I actually have a feeling we hit our half-way mark a few weeks ago, but for the purpose of calculation... :)

How have things been this last month? Pretty great!!
Sickness is COOOMPLEEEETELY gone! Not even a little here or there. So happy about that.
I feel more energetic, but do get fatigued easily if I don't watch myself. The only thing I have to really complain about, is that my appetite hasn't come back yet. Not really sure what that is about. I'm not *worried* yet, but I would like to have a normal pregnant appetite, so I can make sure I gain the amount of weight I need. I'm gaining, just very slowly. Midwife isn't worried, we still have about 20 weeks to go. Plenty of time to gain what I need, but...I would like to WANT to eat.

Other than that, everything is pretty boring around here. Which is a great thing as far as pregnancy is concerned! This has been the best pregnancy I have had. When carrying my children, each pregnancy I had something happen to cause a scare at one point or another. Everything always turned out ok, but there were scares along the way. There hasn't been any of that with this one, and I'm not complaining one bit! haha

I have been able to feel little bean moving around for a little while, but it was never hard enough to feel on the outside. Not quite a week ago, I started to be able to feel little "bumps" on the outside. :) Go figure it would start when the guys weren't here. :-/ But it's pretty cool the little bean can be felt on the outside now!

So far, this journey has been so amazing. I really consider us to be very lucky. We haven't heard of a lot of first time surrogacy journeys going as great and smooth as ours. Now we have had our bumps along the way, but they haven't been major and they haven't been among each other. I'm just so continually grateful for matching with Doug and Charles, and for them being as great as they are. This journey wouldn't be the same with another couple. I'm a lucky surrogate!!

Speaking of those wonderful dads-to-be. We had our ultrasound on the 17th of this month. They came down and stayed for a few days so we all could spend some time together. It really was a wonderful visit!!

The ultrasound itself was fantastic!! I wish I would have known about this option a long time ago! We went to a private practice Sonographer that my Midwife recommended. It was such a different experience than having them with ultrasound techs at the Dr office or hospital. She didn't rush at all, we were there for almost an hour! She was so incredibly sweet and patient. She kept encouraging the guys to ask whatever questions they had, and she explained everything we were looking at, very thoroughly. You could tell she cared. Plus, she not only gave us a FULL report of how everything looked, she even SHOWED the guys the report! I have never seen that happen before. It always has to be reviewed by the care provider, then the care provider will give the report to the patient, leaving parents to wait and wonder how their baby is doing. If I every have to have ultrasounds again in the future...I will be going there! OH! AND she put the entire thing on DVD for them, and gave them a TON of pictures!! I mean a ton! The room was huge, with several chairs, and two large flat screen TV's; it was pretty cool! My husband and our 3 children all went, so there was plenty room for all of us. My kids (especially) my daughter, are very interested in pregnancy and how the baby grows, so I was very glad they got to attend, and the Sonographer was so great; they got to really get a good understanding of what was going on in my belly. It was a great experience for all of us.

Later after the ultrasound, we met up with both of my doulas. This was the guys first meeting with them. That was a fantastic meeting. Full of many laughs and lots of great info and learning. You could really tell the guys were really interested in the labor process and what the doulas could do for all of us, including once the baby is born. Of course, this being a surrogacy, things will be slightly different than with traditional couples at birth. So we had discussions about how everything would be handled with baby at birth; ex: where baby would be placed immediately straight from the womb, immediate skin-to-skin, how THEY could bond with baby right after birth with skin-to-skin, nursing/immediate nursing after birth, etc. The doulas were so great at providing them with evidence based info about the options and we all were talking openly about what we all thought was best for baby and myself for recovery after birth. Conversations like that are so great. (just another reason I'm so lucky to have these guys for IPs)

This baby is going to have such a great start at a great life! We have so many wonderful people supporting all of us and we all have great communication!

So blessed.

Doug and Q hanging out waiting for time to meet the doulas.

Buddies!



Ok, moving on to what I know lots of people are so anxious to hear. (Many of you that are close with us have already heard)
We had planned to find out what the guys were having. At the beginning of the ultrasound, the Sonographer told us she was going to start at the head and work down the body, checking out everything she needed to check and what we were interested in. Well, this little bean was just making it way too hard to wait for the gender reveal! lol. I believe the Sonographer's words were, "Well I was going to wait, but he's just making it too easy!" haha!!

That's right, Doug and Charles are having a BOY!!!!!!!!! Let me tell you what, this little boy was very proud to show it too! I saw his little penis before she announced it! She was trying to go around it, but he just wasn't having it! haha I think he wanted his daddies to know they are having a boy. :)

I'm so excited for them!!!

Such a sweet little profile.

His little arm rest on his head.

His little legs. He was sitting with his ankles crossed and his hands behind his head, like he was reclined back relaxing. It was so cute!!!! (she couldn't get the whole thing on the picture)

A boy. Doug and Charles are having a boy. A son! Aaaaaaaaaah!!! :-D

So for the rest of our weekend, we had an appointment with my Midwife, they got to hear the heart beat and talk to her about what they had on their minds. We went out to dinner...Charles mentioned wanting Red Lobster...that was music to this pregnant lady's ears!! I had been wanting crab so bad for the past month! haha I definitely had an appetite then! I stuffed myself on a pound of snow crab...man was I miserable afterwards...but it was worth it! Thanks for that Charles!!! :) A preggo and her food = pure happiness. ;)

Then Saturday we all went and spent a day at Worlds and Oceans of fun on Saturday! It was a blast!! Doug really wanted to visit Planet Snoopy (he loves Peanuts). It was really neat!! They had a little boutique and the guys did their first bit of baby shopping! LOL Oh that was funny! Charles came out of there carrying 5 big bags of cool Peanut baby stuff! haha They got a great start! I love seeing their excitement, and I'm so glad we get to be a part of it. :)

This is where Doug and Charles bought the baby stuff.

Snoopy's #1 fan!

Had to get one of the hubby...he always tries to hide from the camera. :)

Doug, Charles, hubby, and the two oldest kiddos getting wet!

All in all, it was a fabulous time, I'm glad they were able to stay for a few days.
They will be down again in August. I'm already excited for that visit!! We will be doing the maternity shoot at that visit also.
By then, they will be able to feel the baby move! I can't wait for them to feel their son kicking around. Every little thing they can experience, helps it be more real to them, and helps them be more of a part of their son growing and developing. It is so important to me they get as much of that as they can. So much exciting stuff coming up!!!

2nd Trimester is here!

16 week belly!

The second trimester is finally here!
Well, it's been here for a few weeks, but I'm just now able to be happy about it since the sickness is *finally* going away.

Uterus is getting bigger and baby is moving up farther in my belly. I'm looking more and more deformed every morning when I wake up. haha
Baby likes to ride high, just under my belly button and kick. Those little kicks are quite obvious the last few days. Today, I was holding my 2 year old son (whom I might add is quite big for his age), he had wrapped his legs around me quite tightly, right about where baby was, and he must have made baby uncomfortable, because that little bean starting going crazy in there! If felt very cool! Those movements cannot be felt on the outside yet, still too early for that. But my midwife says here in a few weeks, we should start to be able to feel them from the outside.
I'm hoping we can feel them by the time Doug and Charles come down for the ultrasound in June! So they can feel their wee one kick!

So I'm finally feeling like me again. I missed feeling like me! The only sickness I have now is a little in the morning shortly after I get up. Then after I eat, about mid-morning it goes away.
I have more energy now, which is really coming in handy chasing around my 2 year old and all the gardening I have been doing. :)
(We have a HUGE garden and lots of flower beds) Without my energy returning, I wouldn't be able to keep up with it all! My other 2 children and the hubby are pretty helpful when I'm feeling tired. Which is ALWAYS great!

I finally went out and got some clothes that actually fit comfortably. :)
Let me tell ya...I have NEVER bought maternity clothes this soon before! lol. I have heard a lot, that I'm "so small!" But I think for only being in the very beginning of the second trimester...I should be smaller! haha
I'm not really complaining though, that just means I get to enjoy the pregnancy belly a little longer. And that, I'm totally ok with. :)
But it feels mighty nice to wear clothes that fit like they are supposed to!

I also had an appointment with my midwife on Friday. Charles got to cam in! It was good, and pretty boring. haha. But for pregnancy, boring is a good thing! My midwife told me I'm boring because I don't have anything for her to figure out! hahaha! I'm sure I will give her something before this pregnancy is over. ;)
That's your warning, just in case you are reading this. hehe

Guesses on if it's a girl or a boy????

Midwife says boy; she has 5 of them, so it's a pretty good guess for her. :)
George and I think girl. We have 2 boys, 1 girl. When I was pregnant with my daughter, I craved sour stuff a lot. As a matter of fact, I kept Kool-aid sour cubes in the freezer from the second trimester, until she was born!
Weeeeell...I'm having that craving again! I made the sour cubes yesterday. :) They work very well at satisfying my sour cravings! Not they healthiest thing I can eat, I know, but I like to think I'm making up for it from everything in my garden. haha. That counts....right???
So anyway, girl is our guess!!!
What's yours????


June 13 is our ultrasound! It will be in 3D. We are all so very excited!!! June 14 we will visit with our midwife again. I want the next few weeks to by quickly!!!

hmmm....I think that's all I have for ya fine people thus far. Things are great! I feel great! I'm rocking a nice baby bump, feeling movement and just a few short weeks, get to see the wonderful future daddies to this little bean and find out what they are having! It's going to be a great summer!!

Way Overdue

Shame on me!!! I have not updated for a while! Please forgive me.

We have some newcomers here recently, and I would like to thank you all for reading and following our journey of surrogacy. It's so great to have so much support and so many people interested! I'm sure Doug and Charles really appreciate the support as well. They really are awesome guys! Can't wait to see them holding their little bean!

Well let's see here...where to start...

I finished my meds! That was so great! It's so nice not having to take my injection supplies with me whenever we go anywhere in the evenings or worry about having to do it before bed. I just....go to bed. :) I don't miss having the sore hips either. :)

I had my first Midwife appointment. It was pretty short and sweet. Baby's heart rate was in the 160's. The little bean is hard to tract down, that's for sure! haha Midwife has to search and search, and pin it down when she finds it! It usually hides behind my heart beat, which makes it sound so much more amazing when we hear it.

So everything is going great so far. Belly is definitely getting bigger, pants getting tighter.


This is what I woke up to a couple mornings ago. :)
Little baby bean saying hello! As I was waking, in my sleepy stuper, I couldn't figure out what that bump was...I moved my covers, and looked down and instantly realized and actually said, "Well hey there!" lol. The picture really doesn't do the bump justice, I stood up and looked all kinds of weird! haha
But baby must have moved because shortly after I started walking around, the hard protrusion of my belly went away. For a while anyway.

Those are the little moments, I wish I could share with the guys. I hate they have to miss that. :(

Oh such great news!!!! The sickness has pretty much gone completely away!! Woo hoo!! I know, I know, not the greatest of great news you were expecting, I'm sure. But let me tell you folks that have never had to experience the "joyous" pregnancy sickness...when it finally goes away, that is something to celebrate! haha

My children are really beginning to get excited. Even my newly two year old little Q responds well. I have little talks with him about there being a baby in mommy's belly. He will come up to me out of the blue, life my shirt and poke my belly saying, "baby." But then, he wants to SEE the baby. haha. I'm curious to see how he will respond to mommy having a big 'ol belly!
The biggest challenge I am having right now, is protecting my belly from Q when he wants to climb on mommy's lap. Lol. He isn't so gentle about it anymore, and he likes to rough house...soooo, I'm constantly holding something over my belly to shield it from his surprisingly strong little jabs of the elbow, knee, or whatever other body part it may be. Yesterday he did a headbutt to my belly. Ouch. I kind of yelled out, "be careful! The baby!" His sweet response was, "Oh...! Sorry baby." Oh sweet boys....

No worries, he hasn't done anything with enough force to cause any harm. :)

Our next Midwife appointment is on May 20. Then our ultrasound is on June 13. It will be in 3D! How awesome is that?! I have never had a 3D ultrasound before, so I'm pretty darn excited! We will be finding out the gender as well. :) I figured if the guys didn't want to know, I still would! I just get too antsy with that kind of info! haha

That's all I got for ya for now! I will continue to update and back on a regular basis again. Sorry again for it being so long since my last one! I have just been a busy, busy lady! I have been getting ready for finals (coming next week!), being at a client's birth, and celebrating my Q's 2nd birthday...not much rest for the weary!

I will be taking pictures every week. I probably won't post EVERY picture. Maybe I will. Eh, don't know yet. haha

Thanks for following our journey! See you all very soon!

10 week 2 day belly!

Here is the first belly pouch picture!

(please ignore the box and any other random thing that may be noticeable, I'm in my basement haha)






Here we are at 10wk 2dys!!!
Now I know that may not look like a baby pouch to some of you. That was previously a very flat tummy. :)
Not to mention, my pants are now so snug they are becoming uncomfortable. I feel the rubber band usage will commence very soon.

I think this is one of the most exciting parts of the journey. (Well aside from their little bean coming earth side to me his/her daddies of course!)
Being able to share with Doug and Charles, the growth of their little miracle. I just wish they could be here every day to personally watch it grow. But pictures will have to do....there will be a lot more to come!

Time with the RE is ALMOST over!!!!!

Ok, so I'm a little behind this week. :-/
I have been so busy I just haven't had the energy to sit and update lately.

So, last Wednesday (April 3) I had my initial appointment with my Midwife. It was no big deal, just giving her some info and such.
Then Thursday I had my 3rd and final ultrasound. It showed the little bean is still growing just as it should be! With a strong little heart beat in the 190s!! Holy batman that's fast!

After the ultrasound, I was informed by my RE's nurse that when I am 11 weeks, I can stop all medications!! Woot woot!
Not gonna lie....excited about that! I'm sure that will still be an adjustment, since I'm so used to taking them....I'm gonna feel like I'm forgetting something every day! haha

At that point, I will be completely released from my RE and fully under my Midwife's care. :)
I have my actual prenatal appointment with her on the 18th! Excited!!
Doug and Charles will hopefully be Skyping in so they can still "be there" and ask questions as we go along, and keep up with how their little bean is doing. :)

Oh! TOMORROW I have my first doula appointment! I'm super excited about that!! For once, I'm on the other side of that arrangement. ;) Add in the bonus of having 2 AMAZING doulas (one of which I had the honor of training under) and that calls for some SUPER DUPER EXCITEMENT!!!!!

Yes, I said "super duper" don't judge me. ;)

Things are definitely starting to slow down overall.
Pregnancy sickness (I don't call it morning sickness, let's face it, that's total false advertising) is mostly gone (mostly). I have good days and bad days now. One day recently was a baaaaaaad day, but they are far and few between.

Still tired. I don't really think that ever actually goes anywhere.
Pregnancy brain is kicking my hiney bad! Ok, ok, for those that know me personally, I know right now they are thinking, "you are spacey all the time anyway!" Yes. This is true. BUT, it is so much worse now! lol!!!

I tell ya, some days....I just am not sure I know where I am and what I am doing! haha.

Yes, pregnancy brain is real.
No it is not just a silly excuse for pregnant women to get away with being spacey. (well, most of us).
Men, if you don't believe us...

:-P

That's all I got cause you will never be able to know what it's like to make another human inside your body. It's hard work man!
:)

So that's about it for me at the moment. Pretty boring I know. Sorry nothing super fun is happening right now. Pregnancy does have some boring times about it. It can't all be super exciting! We women wouldn't have ANY energy left! ;)

But right now, I AM craving some yummy pinwheels I tried over the weekend, and pizza. Cheese pizza. hmmm......

Speechless.....

Two posts in one day....whoa, I don't really know what's happening! haha

I just have to share with everyone.

**WARNING** I am about to get all gushy, mushy, and very personal. So if this isn't your thing, don't read any further. If it is your thing, grab a tissue.

For those that do not already know, I am a labor doula.
I was just interviewing with a potential client when in the middle of conversation, she realizes I'm the surrogate she has been following in a parenting group on Facebook we are both a part of.

This was her reaction:
"Oh my God, you're THE Kimberly?! You're like a legend! I can't believe I'm talking to you right now! I'm kind of like...starstruck! LOL"

I can't even tell you how that made me feel!!!!!!!
Not in a big-headed, stuck-up way, more of a heart swelling, teary eyed, deeply touched, I can't believe someone just said that about me, way!

That just made my whole year!!!!!

To know I am making THAT kind of mark on people with my surrogacy journey...there are no words. I am doing things in my life I never thought I would....making a difference for people, being their inspiration....growing up how I did, I never thought it was possible I could be that person.

You have to understand. I did not grow up in a life that raised me to be this person. By statistics, I should be living the exact opposite. I was not treated very well by the man that took part in raising me. I don't usually talk about this much, but to really grasp where I am right now in response to that potential client's reaction...a nutshell explanation is necessary.

I was told as a child I would grow up to be no good. Becoming a mother at 16, I was told my life was going nowhere, I would never amount to anything, etc.

And here I am, being told things like I'm "like a legend" and being referred to as "THE Kimberly" in a positive way, because of the choices I have made and things I have decided to do with my life....I just can't even put into appropriate words what that does to me emotionally. What it does to my heart. (All in good ways of course!!)

I have spent much of my life, including my adult life, looking at people who inspire others, who have inspired me, listened to people rave about others that do such amazing things with their lives and touch so many people; I see them, in complete "awe" wishing I could be like that one day. That one day, people may see me as I see them. But always thinking that would never be me. I can't ever be like that. Not in a celebrity type of way, but in positive light, to be seen as a positive person that makes a difference in the world.

I just had that day. That moment. If that person was in front of me right now, I'm pretty sure I would be strangling her with a hug. Such a sweet woman to say amazingly sweet things to me; to see me as she does....

To know I AM amounting to something. I AM making a difference. I AM touching people and inspiring them. To be heard. Respected in that way....

I never felt I was that person before now. Never. I still don't really FEEL it, but just to know that someone sees me like that...is such an amazing feeling.

Thank you, to the woman that said those things to me. You know who you are. You didn't know it, you didn't even try, but you have made a huge mark on me by your words. A mark so big and important to me, I will always remember it. Thank you so much for your kind heart.

I'm on a teary cloud nine right now!!!!!!!!!

Much love xoxo

FREEDOM!!!!!!!! almost.

I had my second ultrasound yesterday. Everything looked great. Baby is measuring right on track and has a super strong heart beat. Yesterday it was in the 170s!
The monitoring clinic didn't send my RE clinic the report until this morning, so I had to wait to find out if/when I get to come off of my meds.

I am so happy to report that as of today, I go down to 2 patches every other day instead of 4 and I'm no longer taking the progesterone suppositories!!! Thank God for THAT! They let ME choose which form of progesterone to stop. I wasted no time in blurting out, "No more suppositories!" The nurse laughed and said that was a common answer. :)

So now I'm just taking the progesterone injection, which I'm ok with.
To my surprise, I have to have a 3rd ultrasound next week. No one ever said anything about that before until today. But the nurse says our RE likes to have 3. No big deal. She said at that time, I will have an exact date at when I will be released to my Midwife. :) Just a few more weeks!!! 4 at the very most. I'm getting so excited!!!!



How am I feeling?
Nauseous. Nauseous. Nauseous. BUT those Queasy beads I got REALLY do the trick at making it go away!! Love it. I have been playing around with them just to see. I usually get really nauseous if I don't eat AND right after I eat, even if I'm not nauseous before eating. Yes, frustrating. So, I wait for the ickiness to set in and I feel horrible. Put on my beads...20 minutes later, just peachy. I have taken them off shortly after the ickiness goes away...about 10 minutes later, icky again. I have put them on first thing in the morning and worn them aaaaaaaaaall day and did not feel icky at all. :)

Yup. They work.

I'm even getting a tiny little pooch already! Although it cannot been seen unless I'm in my birthday suit. But it's there! (Not bragging) but I was very FLAT in my abdominal area...now there is this little bump there. I'm HOPING I'm not shopping for maternity clothes in the next 4 weeks. hehe *nervous giggle*

Other than that...I don't feel much different. Ok I lie, I DO get tired more easily. If I nap, I wake up feeling refreshed instead of groggy (I typically wake up groggy like I slept too much).

Ok, other than THAT, I don't feel much different. Just like myself...walking around with a little surro bean in my belly.

I talk to my Q about the baby and how this baby was made specially for Doug and Charles. He points to my belly saying "baby" and that he wants to "see baby" with a very confused look on his face. I show him the ultrasound pictures (not that I actually expect him to understand what he is looking at) and tell him, that's Doug and Charles' baby and he tells me, "That no baby!"

Just looks at me like I'm nuts, because that definitely doesn't look like a baby mom! :)

More to come in the next week. See you soon.

1st Ultrasound!!!

First I would like to apologize to everyone for the apparent anxiety they have been experiencing today waiting for the news. After the ultrasound was over, we all spent some time at Whole Foods (seriously LOVE that place) then we went home and I napped with the hubby. I have not felt well at all today. Such a crappy time to feel so bad. :-/ Definitely felt out of my sorts today because of it, even though I tried hard not to be. *sigh*


I want to thank EVERYONE for being excited with us and sharing it. It feels so good to know so many people are right here with us, joining us in our emotions through this journey. I smile so big when people share with me, their excitement for upcoming news. :)
It really does feel like you all are a part of this journey with us. Thank you for your loyalty and love.

Ok, so onto the news everyone is having heart attacks over!

Ultrasound was SUPPOSED to be at 11:30 this morning, but we didn't get seen until 12:30. They had a transfer they were doing and apparently this clinic takes a LOT longer to do them than my clinic does. Oh well, only an hour extra wait, right?

So we get in there and honestly, this was the first time in a medical procedure, EVER, that I felt...rushed, slightly disrespected, even a little violated. The doctor was obviously an hour behind, and it definitely showed when she came in.

Warning: mini rant:
Ok, I totally understand clinics and being on a time schedule and all and having patients to see, etc. However, that does NOT make it ok to be rude, pushy, and obviously in robotic mode with your patients just to get caught up. Especially for sensitive times like these.
Rant over.

Ok, anyway, she came in with 2 other staff members, turned out the lights, practically pushed Doug and Charles AND Quentin over in a corner and SHOVED the wand....you know where. (This was a vaginal ultrasound for those of you that do not know).

Yeeeah....if my memory serves...I even closed my eyes tightly and had to let out a big breath because it kind of hurt. Not horrible, but definitely was not the best experience I have had with one of those things.

Quentin was screaming crying during about half the ultrasound because he got scared being shoved in a corner, the lights being turned out and not being allowed to have his mommy.

I still feel SO HORRIBLE that he was crying like that. For both him and Doug and Charles. Poor Q was scared, not knowing what was going on, and the guys had trouble catching everything that was going on.

But, it's over now. Can't go back and change it. It wasn't the most horrible experience, but it definitely was a needless experience. Next time....I will be more aware of what happens and try to help things be more smooth.

So.....

what every one has been waiting for:



There's a baby in there!! Let me stress this....there is ONE baby in there!!! Despite my not feeling well, I promise you I am jumping up and down on the inside about that. Lol. (this is not meant in a mean heartless way. Just much less concern for my well being and the baby's)

For those of you that have no clue what they are looking at (it's ok, it's not exactly obvious here)
The little circular "thing" on the right of the long looking "blob" is the yolk sac. Yes, humans have yolk sacs too. :)

A little info on what they do in humans:
Yolk sac: Not all yolk has to do with birds' eggs. Human embryos have a yolk sac, too. The human yolk sac is a membrane outside the embryo that is connected by a tube (the yolk stalk) though the umbilical opening to the embryo's midgut. The yolk sac serves as an early site for the formation of blood and in time, is incorporated into the primitive gut of the embryo.

Ok, now you are fully informed on human yolk sacs. Moving on.

The long "blob" is the baby! Doesn't look like it yet but I swear that's what it is! It even has a heart beat in the 130s!! That's awesome for being almost 7 weeks!

Grow baby grow!!!

Baby is only 3.5cm right now. God, so incredibly amazing isn't it? We all start out as just a bunch of cells, that some how magically turn into the tiniest of humans. Biology is so cool.

So everything is GREAT!! Aside from the sickness....it comes and goes, thankfully. But it has been more coming than going lately. Sticking around for longer periods of time and seeming to be more intense every day. But I'm handling it well. I usually keep a bottle of ice water with me everywhere I go with Lemon Essential Oil in it and drinking on that definitely helps.
The only time the lemon didn't help is when I had a bug earlier this week. Oh man that was terrible. Terrible I tell you.
All better now though.

I have also acquired some ginger tea (at the advice of my doula) :) and will try that with some honey for the sickness. I also ordered something called "Queasy Beads" they should be here in a few days! They are acupuncture beads. Bracelets you wear on your wrists at an pressure point that relieves sickness. Many testimonials say it works...so here's hoping!!!
I'm definitely getting my defenses in order with the sickness this time!! I shall overcome and conquer pregnancy sickness!!!

Being informed really is bliss. :)

Next ultrasound will be next week. Hopefully Friday. Just to look at baby one more time. Check heart beat again. Check growth to make sure baby is growing at it should be. Then I will get to start cutting down on my meds. Yay for that!!!!
I'm not gonna lie...looking forward to no more patches, shots, and suppositories! None of that is near as fun as it sounds!!

Thank you again to all of our family and friends and you strangers out there following our journey. :)
It really is great to have to many people to share this with and be able to touch people on an emotional level. Gives a woman purpose ya know. ;)

Love and blessings to you all!

FAQ

FAQ time!! I get a lot of questions!! Some variety. A lot of repetition. I don't mind at all. But with the volume of questions lately, I thought I would make a post answering some of these. If you have a question, or something you would like to understand, from any point of surrogacy and you don't see it asked/answered here, feel free to ask and I will add it to the list!


Q: How can you give your baby to someone else?

A: I am a Gestation Surrogate. Meaning, I am just the oven for their bun! I am only carrying the baby, the baby is not of my genetic material. This baby has no genetic bond to me or my husband. This baby was made with another egg and another sperm, in a petri dish in a lab, then put inside my uterus for development.
I don't look at it as "giving my baby away." In order to GIVE something, it has to have been yours to begin with. You can't give something away that was never yours.

Q: Who's egg is being used?

A: Since my IPs are a same-sex couple, an egg needed to be donated. They acquired an egg donor, the same way they came to meet me; through our agency. They got to view a bunch of profiles that fit a general description of what they wanted for the biology factors. I do not know what their desires were, but they got to choose based on hair color, eye color, skin, ethnicity, health factors of the donor, etc. Some places go even in more depth than that, but I'm not sure about our clinic and that process, since I didn't need to be a part of it.

Q: Which of the couple's sperm is being used?

A: Both Doug and Charles gave samples to fertilize the eggs that were retrieved from the donor. In the end, there were 5 embryos frozen. 3 with Charles' genetics, 2 with Doug's. The embryo that was transferred into me, is one of Charles'.

Q: How do they know which one is the father of the baby you are carrying.

A: The lab had to keep them separate, for legal purposes. For the purpose of the BC (birth certificate) the biological father must be known before baby's birth to start the paperwork for the BC. (There is a lot of paper work for that).
Heaven knows we didn't want to have a paternity issue at birth! ;) No Maury for us! haha

Bad joke, moving on.

Q: Will you nurse the newborn?

A: I may. That is something we have not yet discussed in depth yet. We are waiting until the ultrasounds are over to really starting planning much...just in case. But yes, I am willing to! The benefits to baby and myself are just to great to not want to! I am doing this to give them a healthy bouncing baby to take home, I am willing to do everything in my power to give their baby the very best start at life. :) They baby will have been inside my body for 9 months, what is a little nursing going to do???

Q: How will you cope with handing over the baby and separate yourself from the realities of the situation?

A: I believe I will cope just fine. This is not a question that can be answered with a short sentence. There is a lot that goes into this one.
Will it suck having to hand over this beautiful little person that I just grew? Of course. Knowing I helped give that baby life, then not be a part of helping that life continue, will bare some stinging in my heart. I'm human. And a woman.
But.
This is NOT MY baby. When I was pregnant with my children, WE were planning their lives, buying items for them, setting up their room, etc. When I held MY children after their birth,there were clearly features of myself, my husband and even some of the child's sibling/s in them. When I hold this child after its birth, there will be no features of our family. There will be features of Charles...this will be HIS baby (and of course Doug's)...not mine.
We are not the ones planning for this baby's life after birth. They are. We are not buying things to get ready for baby. They are. The only thing I am planning for after birth, is getting back in shape! :)
Plus my husband and I are done having children. If we WANTED to keep the baby....we would just have more ourselves. :)
I love sleep. I LOVE newborns more. But, I'm done having sleepless nights. ;) I have 3 beautiful children and that's all I need.

I always used to say, if I could just be pregnant and give the babies away, I would!! I love pregnancy and birth that much. Now, I found a way to do just that. :)

Q: Do you get paid for your services?

A: I don't get "paid" but I do get compensated. Being "paid" to have a baby for someone is completely illegal! We are talking black market here! Eeek! However, given the state, it is legal and expected legally, to compensate the surrogate for her time, risk, and "pain and suffering" involved with medications, pregnancy and birth. So much CAN (not necessarily will of course) happen to a woman and/or her body to have children. Even naturally. It is the hardest thing our bodies go through. Our bodies can take a toll of damage, births can go badly and mom can lose too much blood, her uterus, her life. Her family can be left alone. So IPs compensate for a surrogate taking those risks for them.

Having said that. It's not about the money. Not for us anyway. That is just the business side of it. The real gratitude is shown in their words, emotion, affection, little acts of kindness. :)

Q: Will the fathers witness you birthing their child?

A: I am absolutely ok with that! They are gay, it's not like they are going to be oogling over my body. haha
Not to mention, I won't exactly be in an "oogling" state anyway. hahahaha
And this is going to be the birth of their child! They should have every right to see their child come into the world just like any other father. :)

Q: How does your husband feel about them seeing you in labor?

A: We haven't really discussed that in detail. We have talked about them being there and being a part of the birth support if they want to have that involvement. He has never objected. My husband has been very supportive about what I want and feel I need for this journey.

Q: Will your husband support during labor as if this were his child or will the fathers step in as support?

A: I would like my husband to be my main support (besides my Midwife and doula) obviously, I will be in a lot of pain and in a very vulnerable state, I always want my husband with me during those times, but I am open to Doug and Charles stepping in to help if they choose. If they rather not, I'm totally ok with that. I will have plenty of support there already. :)

Q: Will you stay in contact with them after the birth and they leave?

A: Oh absolutely!!! We both wanted to create a friendship on this journey. Not a business relationship. We have become very close friends. We are no longer strangers. We talk practically everyday. This Summer, Doug and Charles are coming down and we are all having a fun day together in the city with the kiddos. We are definitely friends and will remain that way for a long time. :)
These guys are a couple of the greatest, kindest, most supportive, understanding, compassionate people I have ever met. I'm so glad to have them as friends.

Q: When is your next beta? And ultrasound???

A: I love how excited my friends and followers get!!! It's like you are all right here with me! I do not have anymore beta tests. There are only 3 of those to monitor the wee weeks of pregnancy. Then 2 ultrasounds. My first ultrasound is on March 22! Doug and Charles are coming down to be there for it and witness seeing their wee one's heartbeat for the very first time!

Q: What does "IP" mean?

A: IP= Intended Parent(s)

Q: What exactly do the beta numbers mean?

A: Beta numbers. Beta levels. Beta HCG to be specific. That is just a medical way to say how much HCG (pregnancy hormone) is being made. HCG is in your body ONLY when you are pregnant. HCG is made by the embryo developing the placenta. (how independent the little booger is!!) Beta numbers are just the amount of HCG that is in your body. For a healthy pregnancy to be detected, there needs to be at least 25mUI/ml, which is what most HPTs (home pregnancy tests) pick up around days 11-14 after conception. IVF works a little different as in there are higher levels quicker because the embryo is already (usually) 5 days old when transferred.

Q: Are you afraid of regret? Regret as in feeling a sense of loss.

A: I am not afraid of this. If it happens, it happens, and I will deal with it in a healthy way. But I am not afraid of it happening. As I mentioned above, I feel I am well prepared to hand this baby over to its long awaiting parents. I will always be a part of this baby's life, through pictures, birthdays, etc, much like I am my own nieces and nephews. That is how I will look at this baby. A large part of that is from feeling like I am not having a baby for strangers. I am having a baby for my friends; friends so close, we have become and will continue like family.

Q: What exactly took place during the transplant?

A: Ok, this is how transfer time went. They brought me into a procedure room, looked much like a normal ultrasound room. I was laid on the table, in legs stirrups. The embryo was placed in a very small catheter and inserted through my cervix into my uterus. We got to watch it all on the ultrasound screen! It was so neat! It took a total of 2 minutes. They removed the catheter, immediately stood me up and allowed me to empty my bladder and I went home! Well...to my hotel to sit on my rear and be a couch potato for 2 days. :)

Q: Do they dilate the cervix and place the baby on the uterine lining.

A: They do not have to dilate the cervix. Nothing special anyway. Anytime the cervix is stimulated, it does dilate slightly on its own. This catheter was so small, they did not have to do any "extra" dilating to it.
The embryo is not placed on the uterine lining. The catheter is just inserted what looked like about half-way into the uterus. So that the embryo is floating around much like it does when conception happens naturally. Then when it finds a cozy spot it likes, it sticks. :)
The process of becoming pregnant via IVF is exactly like it happens with natural conception. Minus the sex, egg releasing from the ovary, sperm meeting egg, fertilization, and the travel time the fertilized egg has to take to get to the uterus. Once it's in there, the same thing happens. :)

Q: Did it hurt?
A: Nope. Not at all. It felt much like a pap smear does. Actually, it was a little less uncomfortable, seeing how no cell samples were being taken (not a very comfy process for us ladies every year).



So there you have it! The answers to your questions! I hope I have satisfied your curiosity and helped you gain better understanding of the process. If you have addition questions, or want more clarification about something, please feel free to comment below, comment on FB, or send me a private message on FB if you prefer.
I enjoy answering questions. It lets me know I am doing my part to get people more familiar with surrogacy, so that in the future, there may be more surrogates available to help more families!!

There are way more families that need a surrogate, than there are surrogates to help families.

HOLY COW BATMAN!!!!!! 3rd Beta is in!!!!!!

WOW!!! Let me say it again...HOLY COW!!!

3rd beta was done this morning....just got the call back from Dr. Kaplan's nurse...

It is.....5640!!!!!!!!!!!! With a progesterone level of 31!!!

I'm up there with the twin numbers!!!!

BUT that still doesn't mean anything. I specifically asked the nurse about it, this was her response, she laughed a little and said, "All that means is the pregnancy is progressing normally. I have seen plenty of other patients with numbers like that with only one baby."

SO.......

only ultrasound will tell...which is scheduled for next Thursday, the 21st!!!! The next week and a half is going to creeeeeeep by sooooo slooooow. *sigh*


I think it is FINALLY REALLY sinking in for Doug. We were messaging on FB when I got the call and he says, "It really worked! You are really pregnant!!"

Lol. So cute. I'm so happy and excited they are finally going to be parents!!!!!

They have some parenting books already to read and get ready for their little bundle (or bundles) of joy!!

Yay!!!!

Pregnancy Symptoms...

this early. is just. no. fair.

I'm pretty sure my pregnancy symptoms are kicking in already.
I was wondering if I was going to have morning sickness with this one. I have had with every one of my previous pregnancies. I was hoping my surro pregnancy would be different!
As of this evening...I have lost that hope.

I have little waves of nausea the last week. Seriously, little. They would be gone just about as quickly as they would show up. No big deal. Mostly I haven't had much of an appetite or really felt very hungry at all. When I am actually hungry...nothing sounds good.

Yesterday, my breasts started hurting. THAT, I never had before. Not with a pregnancy anyway. I don't know why, but that was symptom I just never got with my previous pregnancies.

Now tonight, I just feel....icky. I feel sick...nauseous. That good 'ol pregnancy nauseous feeling. At only 4 weeks 5 days along. Blah to you sickness!

It's really not that bad right now, I'm just being whiny. (gotta love hormones to make everything feel worse than it really is)
It's pretty tolerable right now, buuuuut I know it will only get worse before it gets better.
It's all completely worth it though!!



Oh! I cannot believe I forgot to mention this! I have been giving myself my IM progesterone injections! Now, don't be too proud of me. I'm cheating. :)

My toddler had to have some allergy testing done when he was only about 18 months old. The Dr gave me a tube of numbing cream to put on him before his blood draw so it wouldn't hurt him....I still have the entire tube.
Guess what.

I just remembered I have that last night! Hubby was so tired from work last night, he went to bed early. I wasn't even thinking about it to have him give me the injection before he went to sleep. Of course I thought of it after he was out cold. The numbing cream popped in my head!

So I gave it a shot and it worked like a charm!!
I did it again tonight, and it worked again!
So I will be giving myself my injections most of the time. Hubby said he will still give them to me sometimes still. :) What a sweetie!


Anxiously awaiting for the 3rd and final beta on Monday. After the last huge increase, I'm really wondering what this one will be!

3 more days. :)

Beta #2 is in!! All I can say is "WHOA BABY!!"

I tell ya, I'm pretty over being nervous about this baby sticking anymore.

Beta #2 was taken this morning and wow what a jump in just 72 hours!!!!
This little embryo is BUSY making its placenta!

Are you ready for this????

Are ya sure??

Beta #2 is...................................

........1185!!!!!!

That's a doubled double level!!!

They want the levels to at least double every 48-72 hours....I think they got it!!!

Good job baby!! Just be careful...please don't split. ;) Love, you forever loving Surromama



Next and last beta is Monday, March 11! The ultrasound will be the week after that!

See you soon!

Beta Results are in....drum roll please!!!!

The first Beta is in!!!!

That is the pregnancy hormone also known as HCG, they also check the progesterone levels to make sure I'm taking enough.

I was a little nervous. You can get a positive pregnancy test, but the beta be too low...early miscarriage. I was more excited than nervous, but those nerves were there....

Well....

Are you just dying to know what my levels are?????

Are ya?

Are ya?

I know some of you are!!!

Is the suspense killing you yet?????


Ready???



They want to see at least 10....

Mine is.....

21!

That's a great progesterone level!!

hehe

Tricked ya. :)


Ok, ok.

Here's the good stuff:

They want to see at least....

25...

Yes, yes, for HCG ;)

at 10dp5dt....

Mine...

is....

226!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That's amazing!!!!!!!!! Needless to say, IPs are HAPPY!!!!!! I think it's starting to sink in more now. :)

This baby is cookin'!!!!!!!

Next beta is on Thursday, March 7. I will be at 13dp5dt.

They want the numbers to double every 48-72 hours, so the number should be a lot higher then!!!

See you on Thursday!!!

Woohoo!!!!!!!! Oh Happy Day!

We. Are. PREGNANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh my goodness it all feels so surreal!!

I'm so happy for Doug and Charles!! They are going to be Daddies before the year is out!!!!

Ok, so I have to come clean. I knew this yesterday. Or. Thought I knew. I took a test, Monday at 3dp5dt and it was CLEARLY negative.

So I waited and took another one yesterday as soon as I got up. The positive line was so faint, I wasn't sure it was really there.

So I took my last one this morning. It was a different brand. It was darker. The result matched the info packet's example perfectly. So I was pretty sure that it was positive.

Buuuuut.....I still wasn't SURE and didn't want to tell Doug and Charles and then find out it was false. So I had a friend of mine bring me a digital. I took it as soon as I got it and BAM......!



Heck yeah that's a BIG FAT POSITIVE!!!!



I squealed.

Yes.

Squealed.

What of it. :)
And jumped up and down. Then realized I'm pregnant. I should calm down. :)

This is how I told them......





It is Doug's birthday (obviously). What wonderful news to get on your birthday!

I'm SO HAPPY for them!!!
They have been through a lot to get here. They deserve to be here. Expecting their first child!!!

I know we still have a few weeks until we are "out of the clear" we all have that understanding. But I am staying very confident that this baby will stick around. :) I'm going to do my very best to make a cozy home that it won't want to leave....well..yet anyway. :)

CONGRATULATIONS GUYS!!!!! YOU DESERVE THIS!!!!

And finally, thank you for choosing me to carry your little bundle of joy. I feel very honored.

I'm

One step closer! Transfer done!

Well, here we are, 6dp5dt! (6 days post 5 day transfer)

It went really well! I have heard many people say it's so quick. It really is.


Here is my hubby trying to put on the booties. He has big feet. Even bigger boots. It almost didn't fit! lol


My hubby George (left) and Doug (right) waiting for the embryo to be ready!


This is all of us with Colleen, the "Embryonic Woman"!!! (Google her!) She was the one in charge of taking care of their little embryo!!! Such an awesome part she played in our journey!


Waiting for a transfer? Take a bunch of pics!! That's what we do!! We were all so anxious and very excited!

They finally came to bring me into the procedure room. George, Doug, and Charles all got to be in there!!!! They normally only let two in, and that was going to be George and Doug, but Colleen had the say so, and she let Charles in too! She really was awesome! I'm so glad they both got to be there.

The entire team was amazing. They were all so very kind and made sure I was comfortable. They explained everything to me so carefully and made sure I understood everything that was going to happen.
They give you a Valium to take for nerves. I guess a lot of surrogates need it...? They kept asking me if I wanted to take it. I said no. I don't like narcotics. Besides, I wasn't nervous at ALL! I was just very excited! They team was very surprised I did so well without the pill. Like, seriously! They kept saying, "Wow, she did great, and without the Valium!" I had no reason to need it. NO reason to be nervous. :)


We got to see the tiny 5 day old embryo!!! Magnified 400 times!!!!!!!
Amazing isn't it?


We got to watch them put the embryo in my uterus! It was sooooooo cooool!

That's it! That quick. Just a couple of minutes. They instantly had me stand up and sent me on my way!

I spent the next two days as a couch potato. Except for the little time we went with Doug and Charles to Barnes and Noble and dinner at the Cheesecake Factory.

We have been so anxiously waiting until March 4th when I have my blood test done to tell if I'm pregnant and what my levels are.
Every morning I have a dream that I take a HPT and it's positive!!!! We can only hope!

I can take HPTs but with the enormous snow we got....I can't get out of my garage! :-/

How do I feel? I have been getting this question a LOT! It's way too early for full pregnancy symptoms yet. But I do feel...different. My uterine area feels..."full" in a way. I have been having round ligament pains. Which is just like what i have had with my other pregnancies. I feel like "something" is going on in there. But on the other hand, it could just be my mind messing with me. Wanting something so much, your mind plays tricks on you.....we shall find out soon!!!

Embryo Transfer Time!!!!!

9 hours left until the embryo transfer!!

We had a great day today, and are so close to transfer time.

I can't believe it is finally here. I remember, just a few months short of a year ago, I was searching for IPs, thinking I would never find the right match for me.
Here I am less than a year later, just a few short hours away from transfer.
It's an amazing feeling. Sort of surreal.

I'm so excited!!!!!!!!

I will update when we return home Sunday.

Wish us lots of luck, and have sticky thoughts for us!!!

A Day in Chicago

We made it!!!

The hubby and I flew into Chicago last night (just before the terrible snow storm back home!)
All day today, we spent with Doug and Charles! They picked us up at our hotel this morning, and took us all over Chicago! Oh it was so great! Not just seeing Chicago (which was incredibly amazing) but spending time with the guys. They are so awesome!

The first place we went was "The Bean" which is actually called, "Clouds Gate." If you ever go to Chicago, you should check it out....completely awesome!!!! It's a GIANT, 110 ton, chrome BEAN. So cool!
We walked all over downtown Chicago; walked the entire (almost) Magnificent Mile. It was incredible.
We went to the Hershey store...AWESOME! We got our kiddos gifts from there. Don't worry, we didn't buy tons of candy. haha We got our two oldest brown hoodies that said "Hershey" and Chicago on them, and will have their names embroidered, and got our youngest a Hershey football.

Checked out a few stores, walked forever, froze (it was worth it), walked some more, took lots of pictures. Went to dinner, and experience Chicago style pizza...Oh. my. goodness. Yum!!!! I may never look at pizza the same again. :)

Those are just the highlights. It was really a great day. We got to talk about so many things, and get to know our IPs even more. We even had a little tender moment...I tried not to get teary...it was so sweet. I really can feel their appreciation.

I loved today. Can't wait for tomorrow. Can't wait for Saturday. We will see them each of those days for a while. I love spending time with them. I love the bond, the friendship we have created.

Sunday will be a sad day. But of course, this will not be our last time of hanging out and visiting. :)

Less than 24 hours!!!!!

OH MY GOODNESS!!!!!!!! I remember several months ago, thinking I would never get to this point...In 23 hours, my hubby and I will be sitting on a plane, heading down the runway to go to Chicago!!!!!! Transfer is in less than 3 days!!!!!!!!!!!

Woo hoo!!!!!!!!!

Now, if Mother Nature will play nice...my area is due to get the HUGEST storm we have had for a while...go figure when I'm supposed to be leaving. :-/
Right now they are saying it is not going to start until late, late Wednesday night, so HOPEFULLY *fingers crossed* it will hold off until we leave.

Oh!!! I can't believe I didn't post for you all about my progesterone injections!
Ok, so here is an update on meds:

Sunday, Feb 17, I stopped Lupron and started progesterone intramuscular injections. I also had to start progesterone vaginal suppositories, 3 x day...yes, it is a horrible as it sounds. haha

The injection...I totally wimped out!!! For about 15 minutes, I tried...just couldn't do it. I was too afraid of the needle breaking, me contracting my muscle...just all the things that *could* go wrong. *sigh*
A friend of mine did it for me. I jumped a little at the initial stick, but it was not bad.

Then last night (Monday) I tried again...for like....45 minutes. Couldn't do it. I really did try. My friend was out of town!!! So her boyfriend did it (also my husband's cousin, we were at their house, my hubby was too nervous to do it for me).
I didn't even feel it at all!!! I don't know what he did, but I didn't even know the needle was in until I saw him draw the plunger back to check for blood. It was awesome.

Then tonight...my hubby did it. My poor hubby. My poor hip/butt. Pretty sure he hit a vein. My hip/butt hurts. It bled...bad for a couple minutes. Hubby freaked a little; the blood was RUNNING down my skin. I'm ok though, it's just very sore and bruised.

Ah, the joys of surrogacy. ;)

It's ok, it's just part of it. I could have done the same thing to myself. Hubby did feel bad...poor hubby.

Well, here's hoping we leave as scheduled tomorrow!!!!

7 days vs. 1 week

Seven days until our flight to Chicago for the transfer!!! One week!!!!

I tell ya, counting down is rough stuff. I mean, 7 days/1 week. 1 week sounds so much quicker doesn't it??? The days are going by fast (thank goodness!) and transfer is coming quick! I can't imagine what I'm going to be like next week. :)

Some call me crazy...so incredibly excited for something that is going to cause sickness, possibly vomiting, my internal space to be taken up, kicked, made to feel physically uncomfortable, sleepless nights, peeing constantly, always hungry, always full, ungodly amounts of pain...it's all part of an amazing experience I love!!!! If that constitutes me as crazy, then people, stick me in a padded room, because I'm batty nuts!!!! :)

Ok, enough of the silly.
I had my second ultrasound on Monday to check my hormone levels and uterine lining. My estrogen level is rising just as it should from the patches. For the uterine lining my clinic wants to see a minimum of 7; mine is a 12!!!! That's AWESOME!!! They also want to see "3 lines" they really didn't explain it all, just that they are the levels of the lining. I remember it from my physiology class, but it's kind of complicated and very in depth, so I won't bore you; but all 3 were present, so that's great! That all means my uterine lining is VERY thick which is a must for an embryo to attach. My body is prepping perfectly for transfer next week!

NEXT week...whoa. :)

I have my last lining/hormone check tomorrow morning. I will know then how much progesterone I need to be taking. I will stop Lupron and start the IM progesterone injections on Sunday. 4 days. Still a little nervous about those injections....but I have faith in myself I will get them done. Or maybe I will wait till my hubby gets home and sweet talk (or beg) him to do it for me....who knows, we shall see.

Every hour is an hour closer to Chicago!!!