Two posts in one day....whoa, I don't really know what's happening! haha
I just have to share with everyone.
**WARNING** I am about to get all gushy, mushy, and very personal. So if this isn't your thing, don't read any further. If it is your thing, grab a tissue.
For those that do not already know, I am a labor doula.
I was just interviewing with a potential client when in the middle of conversation, she realizes I'm the surrogate she has been following in a parenting group on Facebook we are both a part of.
This was her reaction:
"Oh my God, you're THE Kimberly?! You're like a legend! I can't believe I'm talking to you right now! I'm kind of like...starstruck! LOL"
I can't even tell you how that made me feel!!!!!!!
Not in a big-headed, stuck-up way, more of a heart swelling, teary eyed, deeply touched, I can't believe someone just said that about me, way!
That just made my whole year!!!!!
To know I am making THAT kind of mark on people with my surrogacy journey...there are no words. I am doing things in my life I never thought I would....making a difference for people, being their inspiration....growing up how I did, I never thought it was possible I could be that person.
You have to understand. I did not grow up in a life that raised me to be this person. By statistics, I should be living the exact opposite. I was not treated very well by the man that took part in raising me. I don't usually talk about this much, but to really grasp where I am right now in response to that potential client's reaction...a nutshell explanation is necessary.
I was told as a child I would grow up to be no good. Becoming a mother at 16, I was told my life was going nowhere, I would never amount to anything, etc.
And here I am, being told things like I'm "like a legend" and being referred to as "THE Kimberly" in a positive way, because of the choices I have made and things I have decided to do with my life....I just can't even put into appropriate words what that does to me emotionally. What it does to my heart. (All in good ways of course!!)
I have spent much of my life, including my adult life, looking at people who inspire others, who have inspired me, listened to people rave about others that do such amazing things with their lives and touch so many people; I see them, in complete "awe" wishing I could be like that one day. That one day, people may see me as I see them. But always thinking that would never be me. I can't ever be like that. Not in a celebrity type of way, but in positive light, to be seen as a positive person that makes a difference in the world.
I just had that day. That moment. If that person was in front of me right now, I'm pretty sure I would be strangling her with a hug. Such a sweet woman to say amazingly sweet things to me; to see me as she does....
To know I AM amounting to something. I AM making a difference. I AM touching people and inspiring them. To be heard. Respected in that way....
I never felt I was that person before now. Never. I still don't really FEEL it, but just to know that someone sees me like that...is such an amazing feeling.
Thank you, to the woman that said those things to me. You know who you are. You didn't know it, you didn't even try, but you have made a huge mark on me by your words. A mark so big and important to me, I will always remember it. Thank you so much for your kind heart.
I'm on a teary cloud nine right now!!!!!!!!!
Much love xoxo
Friday, March 29, 2013
FREEDOM!!!!!!!! almost.
I had my second ultrasound yesterday. Everything looked great. Baby is measuring right on track and has a super strong heart beat. Yesterday it was in the 170s!
The monitoring clinic didn't send my RE clinic the report until this morning, so I had to wait to find out if/when I get to come off of my meds.
I am so happy to report that as of today, I go down to 2 patches every other day instead of 4 and I'm no longer taking the progesterone suppositories!!! Thank God for THAT! They let ME choose which form of progesterone to stop. I wasted no time in blurting out, "No more suppositories!" The nurse laughed and said that was a common answer. :)
So now I'm just taking the progesterone injection, which I'm ok with.
To my surprise, I have to have a 3rd ultrasound next week. No one ever said anything about that before until today. But the nurse says our RE likes to have 3. No big deal. She said at that time, I will have an exact date at when I will be released to my Midwife. :) Just a few more weeks!!! 4 at the very most. I'm getting so excited!!!!
How am I feeling?
Nauseous. Nauseous. Nauseous. BUT those Queasy beads I got REALLY do the trick at making it go away!! Love it. I have been playing around with them just to see. I usually get really nauseous if I don't eat AND right after I eat, even if I'm not nauseous before eating. Yes, frustrating. So, I wait for the ickiness to set in and I feel horrible. Put on my beads...20 minutes later, just peachy. I have taken them off shortly after the ickiness goes away...about 10 minutes later, icky again. I have put them on first thing in the morning and worn them aaaaaaaaaall day and did not feel icky at all. :)
Yup. They work.
I'm even getting a tiny little pooch already! Although it cannot been seen unless I'm in my birthday suit. But it's there! (Not bragging) but I was very FLAT in my abdominal area...now there is this little bump there. I'm HOPING I'm not shopping for maternity clothes in the next 4 weeks. hehe *nervous giggle*
Other than that...I don't feel much different. Ok I lie, I DO get tired more easily. If I nap, I wake up feeling refreshed instead of groggy (I typically wake up groggy like I slept too much).
Ok, other than THAT, I don't feel much different. Just like myself...walking around with a little surro bean in my belly.
I talk to my Q about the baby and how this baby was made specially for Doug and Charles. He points to my belly saying "baby" and that he wants to "see baby" with a very confused look on his face. I show him the ultrasound pictures (not that I actually expect him to understand what he is looking at) and tell him, that's Doug and Charles' baby and he tells me, "That no baby!"
Just looks at me like I'm nuts, because that definitely doesn't look like a baby mom! :)
More to come in the next week. See you soon.
The monitoring clinic didn't send my RE clinic the report until this morning, so I had to wait to find out if/when I get to come off of my meds.
I am so happy to report that as of today, I go down to 2 patches every other day instead of 4 and I'm no longer taking the progesterone suppositories!!! Thank God for THAT! They let ME choose which form of progesterone to stop. I wasted no time in blurting out, "No more suppositories!" The nurse laughed and said that was a common answer. :)
So now I'm just taking the progesterone injection, which I'm ok with.
To my surprise, I have to have a 3rd ultrasound next week. No one ever said anything about that before until today. But the nurse says our RE likes to have 3. No big deal. She said at that time, I will have an exact date at when I will be released to my Midwife. :) Just a few more weeks!!! 4 at the very most. I'm getting so excited!!!!
How am I feeling?
Nauseous. Nauseous. Nauseous. BUT those Queasy beads I got REALLY do the trick at making it go away!! Love it. I have been playing around with them just to see. I usually get really nauseous if I don't eat AND right after I eat, even if I'm not nauseous before eating. Yes, frustrating. So, I wait for the ickiness to set in and I feel horrible. Put on my beads...20 minutes later, just peachy. I have taken them off shortly after the ickiness goes away...about 10 minutes later, icky again. I have put them on first thing in the morning and worn them aaaaaaaaaall day and did not feel icky at all. :)
Yup. They work.
I'm even getting a tiny little pooch already! Although it cannot been seen unless I'm in my birthday suit. But it's there! (Not bragging) but I was very FLAT in my abdominal area...now there is this little bump there. I'm HOPING I'm not shopping for maternity clothes in the next 4 weeks. hehe *nervous giggle*
Other than that...I don't feel much different. Ok I lie, I DO get tired more easily. If I nap, I wake up feeling refreshed instead of groggy (I typically wake up groggy like I slept too much).
Ok, other than THAT, I don't feel much different. Just like myself...walking around with a little surro bean in my belly.
I talk to my Q about the baby and how this baby was made specially for Doug and Charles. He points to my belly saying "baby" and that he wants to "see baby" with a very confused look on his face. I show him the ultrasound pictures (not that I actually expect him to understand what he is looking at) and tell him, that's Doug and Charles' baby and he tells me, "That no baby!"
Just looks at me like I'm nuts, because that definitely doesn't look like a baby mom! :)
More to come in the next week. See you soon.
Friday, March 22, 2013
1st Ultrasound!!!
First I would like to apologize to everyone for the apparent anxiety they have been experiencing today waiting for the news. After the ultrasound was over, we all spent some time at Whole Foods (seriously LOVE that place) then we went home and I napped with the hubby. I have not felt well at all today. Such a crappy time to feel so bad. :-/ Definitely felt out of my sorts today because of it, even though I tried hard not to be. *sigh*
I want to thank EVERYONE for being excited with us and sharing it. It feels so good to know so many people are right here with us, joining us in our emotions through this journey. I smile so big when people share with me, their excitement for upcoming news. :)
It really does feel like you all are a part of this journey with us. Thank you for your loyalty and love.
Ok, so onto the news everyone is having heart attacks over!
Ultrasound was SUPPOSED to be at 11:30 this morning, but we didn't get seen until 12:30. They had a transfer they were doing and apparently this clinic takes a LOT longer to do them than my clinic does. Oh well, only an hour extra wait, right?
So we get in there and honestly, this was the first time in a medical procedure, EVER, that I felt...rushed, slightly disrespected, even a little violated. The doctor was obviously an hour behind, and it definitely showed when she came in.
Warning: mini rant:
Ok, I totally understand clinics and being on a time schedule and all and having patients to see, etc. However, that does NOT make it ok to be rude, pushy, and obviously in robotic mode with your patients just to get caught up. Especially for sensitive times like these.
Rant over.
Ok, anyway, she came in with 2 other staff members, turned out the lights, practically pushed Doug and Charles AND Quentin over in a corner and SHOVED the wand....you know where. (This was a vaginal ultrasound for those of you that do not know).
Yeeeah....if my memory serves...I even closed my eyes tightly and had to let out a big breath because it kind of hurt. Not horrible, but definitely was not the best experience I have had with one of those things.
Quentin was screaming crying during about half the ultrasound because he got scared being shoved in a corner, the lights being turned out and not being allowed to have his mommy.
I still feel SO HORRIBLE that he was crying like that. For both him and Doug and Charles. Poor Q was scared, not knowing what was going on, and the guys had trouble catching everything that was going on.
But, it's over now. Can't go back and change it. It wasn't the most horrible experience, but it definitely was a needless experience. Next time....I will be more aware of what happens and try to help things be more smooth.
So.....
what every one has been waiting for:
There's a baby in there!! Let me stress this....there is ONE baby in there!!! Despite my not feeling well, I promise you I am jumping up and down on the inside about that. Lol. (this is not meant in a mean heartless way. Just much less concern for my well being and the baby's)
For those of you that have no clue what they are looking at (it's ok, it's not exactly obvious here)
The little circular "thing" on the right of the long looking "blob" is the yolk sac. Yes, humans have yolk sacs too. :)
A little info on what they do in humans:
Yolk sac: Not all yolk has to do with birds' eggs. Human embryos have a yolk sac, too. The human yolk sac is a membrane outside the embryo that is connected by a tube (the yolk stalk) though the umbilical opening to the embryo's midgut. The yolk sac serves as an early site for the formation of blood and in time, is incorporated into the primitive gut of the embryo.
Ok, now you are fully informed on human yolk sacs. Moving on.
The long "blob" is the baby! Doesn't look like it yet but I swear that's what it is! It even has a heart beat in the 130s!! That's awesome for being almost 7 weeks!
Grow baby grow!!!
Baby is only 3.5cm right now. God, so incredibly amazing isn't it? We all start out as just a bunch of cells, that some how magically turn into the tiniest of humans. Biology is so cool.
So everything is GREAT!! Aside from the sickness....it comes and goes, thankfully. But it has been more coming than going lately. Sticking around for longer periods of time and seeming to be more intense every day. But I'm handling it well. I usually keep a bottle of ice water with me everywhere I go with Lemon Essential Oil in it and drinking on that definitely helps.
The only time the lemon didn't help is when I had a bug earlier this week. Oh man that was terrible. Terrible I tell you.
All better now though.
I have also acquired some ginger tea (at the advice of my doula) :) and will try that with some honey for the sickness. I also ordered something called "Queasy Beads" they should be here in a few days! They are acupuncture beads. Bracelets you wear on your wrists at an pressure point that relieves sickness. Many testimonials say it works...so here's hoping!!!
I'm definitely getting my defenses in order with the sickness this time!! I shall overcome and conquer pregnancy sickness!!!
Being informed really is bliss. :)
Next ultrasound will be next week. Hopefully Friday. Just to look at baby one more time. Check heart beat again. Check growth to make sure baby is growing at it should be. Then I will get to start cutting down on my meds. Yay for that!!!!
I'm not gonna lie...looking forward to no more patches, shots, and suppositories! None of that is near as fun as it sounds!!
Thank you again to all of our family and friends and you strangers out there following our journey. :)
It really is great to have to many people to share this with and be able to touch people on an emotional level. Gives a woman purpose ya know. ;)
Love and blessings to you all!
I want to thank EVERYONE for being excited with us and sharing it. It feels so good to know so many people are right here with us, joining us in our emotions through this journey. I smile so big when people share with me, their excitement for upcoming news. :)
It really does feel like you all are a part of this journey with us. Thank you for your loyalty and love.
Ok, so onto the news everyone is having heart attacks over!
Ultrasound was SUPPOSED to be at 11:30 this morning, but we didn't get seen until 12:30. They had a transfer they were doing and apparently this clinic takes a LOT longer to do them than my clinic does. Oh well, only an hour extra wait, right?
So we get in there and honestly, this was the first time in a medical procedure, EVER, that I felt...rushed, slightly disrespected, even a little violated. The doctor was obviously an hour behind, and it definitely showed when she came in.
Warning: mini rant:
Ok, I totally understand clinics and being on a time schedule and all and having patients to see, etc. However, that does NOT make it ok to be rude, pushy, and obviously in robotic mode with your patients just to get caught up. Especially for sensitive times like these.
Rant over.
Ok, anyway, she came in with 2 other staff members, turned out the lights, practically pushed Doug and Charles AND Quentin over in a corner and SHOVED the wand....you know where. (This was a vaginal ultrasound for those of you that do not know).
Yeeeah....if my memory serves...I even closed my eyes tightly and had to let out a big breath because it kind of hurt. Not horrible, but definitely was not the best experience I have had with one of those things.
Quentin was screaming crying during about half the ultrasound because he got scared being shoved in a corner, the lights being turned out and not being allowed to have his mommy.
I still feel SO HORRIBLE that he was crying like that. For both him and Doug and Charles. Poor Q was scared, not knowing what was going on, and the guys had trouble catching everything that was going on.
But, it's over now. Can't go back and change it. It wasn't the most horrible experience, but it definitely was a needless experience. Next time....I will be more aware of what happens and try to help things be more smooth.
So.....
what every one has been waiting for:
There's a baby in there!! Let me stress this....there is ONE baby in there!!! Despite my not feeling well, I promise you I am jumping up and down on the inside about that. Lol. (this is not meant in a mean heartless way. Just much less concern for my well being and the baby's)
For those of you that have no clue what they are looking at (it's ok, it's not exactly obvious here)
The little circular "thing" on the right of the long looking "blob" is the yolk sac. Yes, humans have yolk sacs too. :)
A little info on what they do in humans:
Yolk sac: Not all yolk has to do with birds' eggs. Human embryos have a yolk sac, too. The human yolk sac is a membrane outside the embryo that is connected by a tube (the yolk stalk) though the umbilical opening to the embryo's midgut. The yolk sac serves as an early site for the formation of blood and in time, is incorporated into the primitive gut of the embryo.
Ok, now you are fully informed on human yolk sacs. Moving on.
The long "blob" is the baby! Doesn't look like it yet but I swear that's what it is! It even has a heart beat in the 130s!! That's awesome for being almost 7 weeks!
Grow baby grow!!!
Baby is only 3.5cm right now. God, so incredibly amazing isn't it? We all start out as just a bunch of cells, that some how magically turn into the tiniest of humans. Biology is so cool.
So everything is GREAT!! Aside from the sickness....it comes and goes, thankfully. But it has been more coming than going lately. Sticking around for longer periods of time and seeming to be more intense every day. But I'm handling it well. I usually keep a bottle of ice water with me everywhere I go with Lemon Essential Oil in it and drinking on that definitely helps.
The only time the lemon didn't help is when I had a bug earlier this week. Oh man that was terrible. Terrible I tell you.
All better now though.
I have also acquired some ginger tea (at the advice of my doula) :) and will try that with some honey for the sickness. I also ordered something called "Queasy Beads" they should be here in a few days! They are acupuncture beads. Bracelets you wear on your wrists at an pressure point that relieves sickness. Many testimonials say it works...so here's hoping!!!
I'm definitely getting my defenses in order with the sickness this time!! I shall overcome and conquer pregnancy sickness!!!
Being informed really is bliss. :)
Next ultrasound will be next week. Hopefully Friday. Just to look at baby one more time. Check heart beat again. Check growth to make sure baby is growing at it should be. Then I will get to start cutting down on my meds. Yay for that!!!!
I'm not gonna lie...looking forward to no more patches, shots, and suppositories! None of that is near as fun as it sounds!!
Thank you again to all of our family and friends and you strangers out there following our journey. :)
It really is great to have to many people to share this with and be able to touch people on an emotional level. Gives a woman purpose ya know. ;)
Love and blessings to you all!
Thursday, March 14, 2013
FAQ
FAQ time!! I get a lot of questions!! Some variety. A lot of repetition. I don't mind at all. But with the volume of questions lately, I thought I would make a post answering some of these. If you have a question, or something you would like to understand, from any point of surrogacy and you don't see it asked/answered here, feel free to ask and I will add it to the list!
Q: How can you give your baby to someone else?
A: I am a Gestation Surrogate. Meaning, I am just the oven for their bun! I am only carrying the baby, the baby is not of my genetic material. This baby has no genetic bond to me or my husband. This baby was made with another egg and another sperm, in a petri dish in a lab, then put inside my uterus for development.
I don't look at it as "giving my baby away." In order to GIVE something, it has to have been yours to begin with. You can't give something away that was never yours.
Q: Who's egg is being used?
A: Since my IPs are a same-sex couple, an egg needed to be donated. They acquired an egg donor, the same way they came to meet me; through our agency. They got to view a bunch of profiles that fit a general description of what they wanted for the biology factors. I do not know what their desires were, but they got to choose based on hair color, eye color, skin, ethnicity, health factors of the donor, etc. Some places go even in more depth than that, but I'm not sure about our clinic and that process, since I didn't need to be a part of it.
Q: Which of the couple's sperm is being used?
A: Both Doug and Charles gave samples to fertilize the eggs that were retrieved from the donor. In the end, there were 5 embryos frozen. 3 with Charles' genetics, 2 with Doug's. The embryo that was transferred into me, is one of Charles'.
Q: How do they know which one is the father of the baby you are carrying.
A: The lab had to keep them separate, for legal purposes. For the purpose of the BC (birth certificate) the biological father must be known before baby's birth to start the paperwork for the BC. (There is a lot of paper work for that).
Heaven knows we didn't want to have a paternity issue at birth! ;) No Maury for us! haha
Bad joke, moving on.
Q: Will you nurse the newborn?
A: I may. That is something we have not yet discussed in depth yet. We are waiting until the ultrasounds are over to really starting planning much...just in case. But yes, I am willing to! The benefits to baby and myself are just to great to not want to! I am doing this to give them a healthy bouncing baby to take home, I am willing to do everything in my power to give their baby the very best start at life. :) They baby will have been inside my body for 9 months, what is a little nursing going to do???
Q: How will you cope with handing over the baby and separate yourself from the realities of the situation?
A: I believe I will cope just fine. This is not a question that can be answered with a short sentence. There is a lot that goes into this one.
Will it suck having to hand over this beautiful little person that I just grew? Of course. Knowing I helped give that baby life, then not be a part of helping that life continue, will bare some stinging in my heart. I'm human. And a woman.
But.
This is NOT MY baby. When I was pregnant with my children, WE were planning their lives, buying items for them, setting up their room, etc. When I held MY children after their birth,there were clearly features of myself, my husband and even some of the child's sibling/s in them. When I hold this child after its birth, there will be no features of our family. There will be features of Charles...this will be HIS baby (and of course Doug's)...not mine.
We are not the ones planning for this baby's life after birth. They are. We are not buying things to get ready for baby. They are. The only thing I am planning for after birth, is getting back in shape! :)
Plus my husband and I are done having children. If we WANTED to keep the baby....we would just have more ourselves. :)
I love sleep. I LOVE newborns more. But, I'm done having sleepless nights. ;) I have 3 beautiful children and that's all I need.
I always used to say, if I could just be pregnant and give the babies away, I would!! I love pregnancy and birth that much. Now, I found a way to do just that. :)
Q: Do you get paid for your services?
A: I don't get "paid" but I do get compensated. Being "paid" to have a baby for someone is completely illegal! We are talking black market here! Eeek! However, given the state, it is legal and expected legally, to compensate the surrogate for her time, risk, and "pain and suffering" involved with medications, pregnancy and birth. So much CAN (not necessarily will of course) happen to a woman and/or her body to have children. Even naturally. It is the hardest thing our bodies go through. Our bodies can take a toll of damage, births can go badly and mom can lose too much blood, her uterus, her life. Her family can be left alone. So IPs compensate for a surrogate taking those risks for them.
Having said that. It's not about the money. Not for us anyway. That is just the business side of it. The real gratitude is shown in their words, emotion, affection, little acts of kindness. :)
Q: Will the fathers witness you birthing their child?
A: I am absolutely ok with that! They are gay, it's not like they are going to be oogling over my body. haha
Not to mention, I won't exactly be in an "oogling" state anyway. hahahaha
And this is going to be the birth of their child! They should have every right to see their child come into the world just like any other father. :)
Q: How does your husband feel about them seeing you in labor?
A: We haven't really discussed that in detail. We have talked about them being there and being a part of the birth support if they want to have that involvement. He has never objected. My husband has been very supportive about what I want and feel I need for this journey.
Q: Will your husband support during labor as if this were his child or will the fathers step in as support?
A: I would like my husband to be my main support (besides my Midwife and doula) obviously, I will be in a lot of pain and in a very vulnerable state, I always want my husband with me during those times, but I am open to Doug and Charles stepping in to help if they choose. If they rather not, I'm totally ok with that. I will have plenty of support there already. :)
Q: Will you stay in contact with them after the birth and they leave?
A: Oh absolutely!!! We both wanted to create a friendship on this journey. Not a business relationship. We have become very close friends. We are no longer strangers. We talk practically everyday. This Summer, Doug and Charles are coming down and we are all having a fun day together in the city with the kiddos. We are definitely friends and will remain that way for a long time. :)
These guys are a couple of the greatest, kindest, most supportive, understanding, compassionate people I have ever met. I'm so glad to have them as friends.
Q: When is your next beta? And ultrasound???
A: I love how excited my friends and followers get!!! It's like you are all right here with me! I do not have anymore beta tests. There are only 3 of those to monitor the wee weeks of pregnancy. Then 2 ultrasounds. My first ultrasound is on March 22! Doug and Charles are coming down to be there for it and witness seeing their wee one's heartbeat for the very first time!
Q: What does "IP" mean?
A: IP= Intended Parent(s)
Q: What exactly do the beta numbers mean?
A: Beta numbers. Beta levels. Beta HCG to be specific. That is just a medical way to say how much HCG (pregnancy hormone) is being made. HCG is in your body ONLY when you are pregnant. HCG is made by the embryo developing the placenta. (how independent the little booger is!!) Beta numbers are just the amount of HCG that is in your body. For a healthy pregnancy to be detected, there needs to be at least 25mUI/ml, which is what most HPTs (home pregnancy tests) pick up around days 11-14 after conception. IVF works a little different as in there are higher levels quicker because the embryo is already (usually) 5 days old when transferred.
Q: Are you afraid of regret? Regret as in feeling a sense of loss.
A: I am not afraid of this. If it happens, it happens, and I will deal with it in a healthy way. But I am not afraid of it happening. As I mentioned above, I feel I am well prepared to hand this baby over to its long awaiting parents. I will always be a part of this baby's life, through pictures, birthdays, etc, much like I am my own nieces and nephews. That is how I will look at this baby. A large part of that is from feeling like I am not having a baby for strangers. I am having a baby for my friends; friends so close, we have become and will continue like family.
Q: What exactly took place during the transplant?
A: Ok, this is how transfer time went. They brought me into a procedure room, looked much like a normal ultrasound room. I was laid on the table, in legs stirrups. The embryo was placed in a very small catheter and inserted through my cervix into my uterus. We got to watch it all on the ultrasound screen! It was so neat! It took a total of 2 minutes. They removed the catheter, immediately stood me up and allowed me to empty my bladder and I went home! Well...to my hotel to sit on my rear and be a couch potato for 2 days. :)
Q: Do they dilate the cervix and place the baby on the uterine lining.
A: They do not have to dilate the cervix. Nothing special anyway. Anytime the cervix is stimulated, it does dilate slightly on its own. This catheter was so small, they did not have to do any "extra" dilating to it.
The embryo is not placed on the uterine lining. The catheter is just inserted what looked like about half-way into the uterus. So that the embryo is floating around much like it does when conception happens naturally. Then when it finds a cozy spot it likes, it sticks. :)
The process of becoming pregnant via IVF is exactly like it happens with natural conception. Minus the sex, egg releasing from the ovary, sperm meeting egg, fertilization, and the travel time the fertilized egg has to take to get to the uterus. Once it's in there, the same thing happens. :)
Q: Did it hurt?
A: Nope. Not at all. It felt much like a pap smear does. Actually, it was a little less uncomfortable, seeing how no cell samples were being taken (not a very comfy process for us ladies every year).
So there you have it! The answers to your questions! I hope I have satisfied your curiosity and helped you gain better understanding of the process. If you have addition questions, or want more clarification about something, please feel free to comment below, comment on FB, or send me a private message on FB if you prefer.
I enjoy answering questions. It lets me know I am doing my part to get people more familiar with surrogacy, so that in the future, there may be more surrogates available to help more families!!
There are way more families that need a surrogate, than there are surrogates to help families.
Q: How can you give your baby to someone else?
A: I am a Gestation Surrogate. Meaning, I am just the oven for their bun! I am only carrying the baby, the baby is not of my genetic material. This baby has no genetic bond to me or my husband. This baby was made with another egg and another sperm, in a petri dish in a lab, then put inside my uterus for development.
I don't look at it as "giving my baby away." In order to GIVE something, it has to have been yours to begin with. You can't give something away that was never yours.
Q: Who's egg is being used?
A: Since my IPs are a same-sex couple, an egg needed to be donated. They acquired an egg donor, the same way they came to meet me; through our agency. They got to view a bunch of profiles that fit a general description of what they wanted for the biology factors. I do not know what their desires were, but they got to choose based on hair color, eye color, skin, ethnicity, health factors of the donor, etc. Some places go even in more depth than that, but I'm not sure about our clinic and that process, since I didn't need to be a part of it.
Q: Which of the couple's sperm is being used?
A: Both Doug and Charles gave samples to fertilize the eggs that were retrieved from the donor. In the end, there were 5 embryos frozen. 3 with Charles' genetics, 2 with Doug's. The embryo that was transferred into me, is one of Charles'.
Q: How do they know which one is the father of the baby you are carrying.
A: The lab had to keep them separate, for legal purposes. For the purpose of the BC (birth certificate) the biological father must be known before baby's birth to start the paperwork for the BC. (There is a lot of paper work for that).
Heaven knows we didn't want to have a paternity issue at birth! ;) No Maury for us! haha
Bad joke, moving on.
Q: Will you nurse the newborn?
A: I may. That is something we have not yet discussed in depth yet. We are waiting until the ultrasounds are over to really starting planning much...just in case. But yes, I am willing to! The benefits to baby and myself are just to great to not want to! I am doing this to give them a healthy bouncing baby to take home, I am willing to do everything in my power to give their baby the very best start at life. :) They baby will have been inside my body for 9 months, what is a little nursing going to do???
Q: How will you cope with handing over the baby and separate yourself from the realities of the situation?
A: I believe I will cope just fine. This is not a question that can be answered with a short sentence. There is a lot that goes into this one.
Will it suck having to hand over this beautiful little person that I just grew? Of course. Knowing I helped give that baby life, then not be a part of helping that life continue, will bare some stinging in my heart. I'm human. And a woman.
But.
This is NOT MY baby. When I was pregnant with my children, WE were planning their lives, buying items for them, setting up their room, etc. When I held MY children after their birth,there were clearly features of myself, my husband and even some of the child's sibling/s in them. When I hold this child after its birth, there will be no features of our family. There will be features of Charles...this will be HIS baby (and of course Doug's)...not mine.
We are not the ones planning for this baby's life after birth. They are. We are not buying things to get ready for baby. They are. The only thing I am planning for after birth, is getting back in shape! :)
Plus my husband and I are done having children. If we WANTED to keep the baby....we would just have more ourselves. :)
I love sleep. I LOVE newborns more. But, I'm done having sleepless nights. ;) I have 3 beautiful children and that's all I need.
I always used to say, if I could just be pregnant and give the babies away, I would!! I love pregnancy and birth that much. Now, I found a way to do just that. :)
Q: Do you get paid for your services?
A: I don't get "paid" but I do get compensated. Being "paid" to have a baby for someone is completely illegal! We are talking black market here! Eeek! However, given the state, it is legal and expected legally, to compensate the surrogate for her time, risk, and "pain and suffering" involved with medications, pregnancy and birth. So much CAN (not necessarily will of course) happen to a woman and/or her body to have children. Even naturally. It is the hardest thing our bodies go through. Our bodies can take a toll of damage, births can go badly and mom can lose too much blood, her uterus, her life. Her family can be left alone. So IPs compensate for a surrogate taking those risks for them.
Having said that. It's not about the money. Not for us anyway. That is just the business side of it. The real gratitude is shown in their words, emotion, affection, little acts of kindness. :)
Q: Will the fathers witness you birthing their child?
A: I am absolutely ok with that! They are gay, it's not like they are going to be oogling over my body. haha
Not to mention, I won't exactly be in an "oogling" state anyway. hahahaha
And this is going to be the birth of their child! They should have every right to see their child come into the world just like any other father. :)
Q: How does your husband feel about them seeing you in labor?
A: We haven't really discussed that in detail. We have talked about them being there and being a part of the birth support if they want to have that involvement. He has never objected. My husband has been very supportive about what I want and feel I need for this journey.
Q: Will your husband support during labor as if this were his child or will the fathers step in as support?
A: I would like my husband to be my main support (besides my Midwife and doula) obviously, I will be in a lot of pain and in a very vulnerable state, I always want my husband with me during those times, but I am open to Doug and Charles stepping in to help if they choose. If they rather not, I'm totally ok with that. I will have plenty of support there already. :)
Q: Will you stay in contact with them after the birth and they leave?
A: Oh absolutely!!! We both wanted to create a friendship on this journey. Not a business relationship. We have become very close friends. We are no longer strangers. We talk practically everyday. This Summer, Doug and Charles are coming down and we are all having a fun day together in the city with the kiddos. We are definitely friends and will remain that way for a long time. :)
These guys are a couple of the greatest, kindest, most supportive, understanding, compassionate people I have ever met. I'm so glad to have them as friends.
Q: When is your next beta? And ultrasound???
A: I love how excited my friends and followers get!!! It's like you are all right here with me! I do not have anymore beta tests. There are only 3 of those to monitor the wee weeks of pregnancy. Then 2 ultrasounds. My first ultrasound is on March 22! Doug and Charles are coming down to be there for it and witness seeing their wee one's heartbeat for the very first time!
Q: What does "IP" mean?
A: IP= Intended Parent(s)
Q: What exactly do the beta numbers mean?
A: Beta numbers. Beta levels. Beta HCG to be specific. That is just a medical way to say how much HCG (pregnancy hormone) is being made. HCG is in your body ONLY when you are pregnant. HCG is made by the embryo developing the placenta. (how independent the little booger is!!) Beta numbers are just the amount of HCG that is in your body. For a healthy pregnancy to be detected, there needs to be at least 25mUI/ml, which is what most HPTs (home pregnancy tests) pick up around days 11-14 after conception. IVF works a little different as in there are higher levels quicker because the embryo is already (usually) 5 days old when transferred.
Q: Are you afraid of regret? Regret as in feeling a sense of loss.
A: I am not afraid of this. If it happens, it happens, and I will deal with it in a healthy way. But I am not afraid of it happening. As I mentioned above, I feel I am well prepared to hand this baby over to its long awaiting parents. I will always be a part of this baby's life, through pictures, birthdays, etc, much like I am my own nieces and nephews. That is how I will look at this baby. A large part of that is from feeling like I am not having a baby for strangers. I am having a baby for my friends; friends so close, we have become and will continue like family.
Q: What exactly took place during the transplant?
A: Ok, this is how transfer time went. They brought me into a procedure room, looked much like a normal ultrasound room. I was laid on the table, in legs stirrups. The embryo was placed in a very small catheter and inserted through my cervix into my uterus. We got to watch it all on the ultrasound screen! It was so neat! It took a total of 2 minutes. They removed the catheter, immediately stood me up and allowed me to empty my bladder and I went home! Well...to my hotel to sit on my rear and be a couch potato for 2 days. :)
Q: Do they dilate the cervix and place the baby on the uterine lining.
A: They do not have to dilate the cervix. Nothing special anyway. Anytime the cervix is stimulated, it does dilate slightly on its own. This catheter was so small, they did not have to do any "extra" dilating to it.
The embryo is not placed on the uterine lining. The catheter is just inserted what looked like about half-way into the uterus. So that the embryo is floating around much like it does when conception happens naturally. Then when it finds a cozy spot it likes, it sticks. :)
The process of becoming pregnant via IVF is exactly like it happens with natural conception. Minus the sex, egg releasing from the ovary, sperm meeting egg, fertilization, and the travel time the fertilized egg has to take to get to the uterus. Once it's in there, the same thing happens. :)
Q: Did it hurt?
A: Nope. Not at all. It felt much like a pap smear does. Actually, it was a little less uncomfortable, seeing how no cell samples were being taken (not a very comfy process for us ladies every year).
So there you have it! The answers to your questions! I hope I have satisfied your curiosity and helped you gain better understanding of the process. If you have addition questions, or want more clarification about something, please feel free to comment below, comment on FB, or send me a private message on FB if you prefer.
I enjoy answering questions. It lets me know I am doing my part to get people more familiar with surrogacy, so that in the future, there may be more surrogates available to help more families!!
There are way more families that need a surrogate, than there are surrogates to help families.
Monday, March 11, 2013
HOLY COW BATMAN!!!!!! 3rd Beta is in!!!!!!
WOW!!! Let me say it again...HOLY COW!!!
3rd beta was done this morning....just got the call back from Dr. Kaplan's nurse...
It is.....5640!!!!!!!!!!!! With a progesterone level of 31!!!
I'm up there with the twin numbers!!!!
BUT that still doesn't mean anything. I specifically asked the nurse about it, this was her response, she laughed a little and said, "All that means is the pregnancy is progressing normally. I have seen plenty of other patients with numbers like that with only one baby."
SO.......
only ultrasound will tell...which is scheduled for next Thursday, the 21st!!!! The next week and a half is going to creeeeeeep by sooooo slooooow. *sigh*
I think it is FINALLY REALLY sinking in for Doug. We were messaging on FB when I got the call and he says, "It really worked! You are really pregnant!!"
Lol. So cute. I'm so happy and excited they are finally going to be parents!!!!!
They have some parenting books already to read and get ready for their little bundle (or bundles) of joy!!
Yay!!!!
3rd beta was done this morning....just got the call back from Dr. Kaplan's nurse...
It is.....5640!!!!!!!!!!!! With a progesterone level of 31!!!
I'm up there with the twin numbers!!!!
BUT that still doesn't mean anything. I specifically asked the nurse about it, this was her response, she laughed a little and said, "All that means is the pregnancy is progressing normally. I have seen plenty of other patients with numbers like that with only one baby."
SO.......
only ultrasound will tell...which is scheduled for next Thursday, the 21st!!!! The next week and a half is going to creeeeeeep by sooooo slooooow. *sigh*
I think it is FINALLY REALLY sinking in for Doug. We were messaging on FB when I got the call and he says, "It really worked! You are really pregnant!!"
Lol. So cute. I'm so happy and excited they are finally going to be parents!!!!!
They have some parenting books already to read and get ready for their little bundle (or bundles) of joy!!
Yay!!!!
Friday, March 8, 2013
Pregnancy Symptoms...
this early. is just. no. fair.
I'm pretty sure my pregnancy symptoms are kicking in already.
I was wondering if I was going to have morning sickness with this one. I have had with every one of my previous pregnancies. I was hoping my surro pregnancy would be different!
As of this evening...I have lost that hope.
I have little waves of nausea the last week. Seriously, little. They would be gone just about as quickly as they would show up. No big deal. Mostly I haven't had much of an appetite or really felt very hungry at all. When I am actually hungry...nothing sounds good.
Yesterday, my breasts started hurting. THAT, I never had before. Not with a pregnancy anyway. I don't know why, but that was symptom I just never got with my previous pregnancies.
Now tonight, I just feel....icky. I feel sick...nauseous. That good 'ol pregnancy nauseous feeling. At only 4 weeks 5 days along. Blah to you sickness!
It's really not that bad right now, I'm just being whiny. (gotta love hormones to make everything feel worse than it really is)
It's pretty tolerable right now, buuuuut I know it will only get worse before it gets better.
It's all completely worth it though!!
Oh! I cannot believe I forgot to mention this! I have been giving myself my IM progesterone injections! Now, don't be too proud of me. I'm cheating. :)
My toddler had to have some allergy testing done when he was only about 18 months old. The Dr gave me a tube of numbing cream to put on him before his blood draw so it wouldn't hurt him....I still have the entire tube.
Guess what.
I just remembered I have that last night! Hubby was so tired from work last night, he went to bed early. I wasn't even thinking about it to have him give me the injection before he went to sleep. Of course I thought of it after he was out cold. The numbing cream popped in my head!
So I gave it a shot and it worked like a charm!!
I did it again tonight, and it worked again!
So I will be giving myself my injections most of the time. Hubby said he will still give them to me sometimes still. :) What a sweetie!
Anxiously awaiting for the 3rd and final beta on Monday. After the last huge increase, I'm really wondering what this one will be!
3 more days. :)
I'm pretty sure my pregnancy symptoms are kicking in already.
I was wondering if I was going to have morning sickness with this one. I have had with every one of my previous pregnancies. I was hoping my surro pregnancy would be different!
As of this evening...I have lost that hope.
I have little waves of nausea the last week. Seriously, little. They would be gone just about as quickly as they would show up. No big deal. Mostly I haven't had much of an appetite or really felt very hungry at all. When I am actually hungry...nothing sounds good.
Yesterday, my breasts started hurting. THAT, I never had before. Not with a pregnancy anyway. I don't know why, but that was symptom I just never got with my previous pregnancies.
Now tonight, I just feel....icky. I feel sick...nauseous. That good 'ol pregnancy nauseous feeling. At only 4 weeks 5 days along. Blah to you sickness!
It's really not that bad right now, I'm just being whiny. (gotta love hormones to make everything feel worse than it really is)
It's pretty tolerable right now, buuuuut I know it will only get worse before it gets better.
It's all completely worth it though!!
Oh! I cannot believe I forgot to mention this! I have been giving myself my IM progesterone injections! Now, don't be too proud of me. I'm cheating. :)
My toddler had to have some allergy testing done when he was only about 18 months old. The Dr gave me a tube of numbing cream to put on him before his blood draw so it wouldn't hurt him....I still have the entire tube.
Guess what.
I just remembered I have that last night! Hubby was so tired from work last night, he went to bed early. I wasn't even thinking about it to have him give me the injection before he went to sleep. Of course I thought of it after he was out cold. The numbing cream popped in my head!
So I gave it a shot and it worked like a charm!!
I did it again tonight, and it worked again!
So I will be giving myself my injections most of the time. Hubby said he will still give them to me sometimes still. :) What a sweetie!
Anxiously awaiting for the 3rd and final beta on Monday. After the last huge increase, I'm really wondering what this one will be!
3 more days. :)
Thursday, March 7, 2013
Beta #2 is in!! All I can say is "WHOA BABY!!"
I tell ya, I'm pretty over being nervous about this baby sticking anymore.
Beta #2 was taken this morning and wow what a jump in just 72 hours!!!!
This little embryo is BUSY making its placenta!
Are you ready for this????
Are ya sure??
Beta #2 is...................................
........1185!!!!!!
That's a doubled double level!!!
They want the levels to at least double every 48-72 hours....I think they got it!!!
Good job baby!! Just be careful...please don't split. ;) Love, you forever loving Surromama
Next and last beta is Monday, March 11! The ultrasound will be the week after that!
See you soon!
Beta #2 was taken this morning and wow what a jump in just 72 hours!!!!
This little embryo is BUSY making its placenta!
Are you ready for this????
Are ya sure??
Beta #2 is...................................
........1185!!!!!!
That's a doubled double level!!!
They want the levels to at least double every 48-72 hours....I think they got it!!!
Good job baby!! Just be careful...please don't split. ;) Love, you forever loving Surromama
Next and last beta is Monday, March 11! The ultrasound will be the week after that!
See you soon!
Monday, March 4, 2013
Beta Results are in....drum roll please!!!!
The first Beta is in!!!!
That is the pregnancy hormone also known as HCG, they also check the progesterone levels to make sure I'm taking enough.
I was a little nervous. You can get a positive pregnancy test, but the beta be too low...early miscarriage. I was more excited than nervous, but those nerves were there....
Well....
Are you just dying to know what my levels are?????
Are ya?
Are ya?
I know some of you are!!!
Is the suspense killing you yet?????
Ready???
They want to see at least 10....
Mine is.....
21!
That's a great progesterone level!!
hehe
Tricked ya. :)
Ok, ok.
Here's the good stuff:
They want to see at least....
25...
Yes, yes, for HCG ;)
at 10dp5dt....
Mine...
is....
226!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
That's amazing!!!!!!!!! Needless to say, IPs are HAPPY!!!!!! I think it's starting to sink in more now. :)
This baby is cookin'!!!!!!!
Next beta is on Thursday, March 7. I will be at 13dp5dt.
They want the numbers to double every 48-72 hours, so the number should be a lot higher then!!!
See you on Thursday!!!
That is the pregnancy hormone also known as HCG, they also check the progesterone levels to make sure I'm taking enough.
I was a little nervous. You can get a positive pregnancy test, but the beta be too low...early miscarriage. I was more excited than nervous, but those nerves were there....
Well....
Are you just dying to know what my levels are?????
Are ya?
Are ya?
I know some of you are!!!
Is the suspense killing you yet?????
Ready???
They want to see at least 10....
Mine is.....
21!
That's a great progesterone level!!
hehe
Tricked ya. :)
Ok, ok.
Here's the good stuff:
They want to see at least....
25...
Yes, yes, for HCG ;)
at 10dp5dt....
Mine...
is....
226!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
That's amazing!!!!!!!!! Needless to say, IPs are HAPPY!!!!!! I think it's starting to sink in more now. :)
This baby is cookin'!!!!!!!
Next beta is on Thursday, March 7. I will be at 13dp5dt.
They want the numbers to double every 48-72 hours, so the number should be a lot higher then!!!
See you on Thursday!!!
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