First medication injection....DONE!!

Oh boy that was intense! At first.

You should have seen it...I did not feel nervous at all. Then I got my supplies out and set up....

Then the nerves kicked in.
I felt so silly.
That needle was so tiny!

I was trying to make friend here...thinking I would feel less nervous.
Do I look nervous?

Getting everything ready.

Drawing up the medication.

I was trying to work up the nerve to poke myself right here...doing little practice "swings" in the air.

After about 25 minutes of this....

I did it!!!! And I didn't even FEEL IT!!! I felt so silly for being so nervous! haha

Woo-hoo!!!! This journey has OFFICIALLY began!!!!!!!!!!!!

You can barely even tell where I did it!



This will be SO much easier tomorrow! :)

Well that's it! I will continue to update with how I feel in the next couple of weeks. I continue this for two weeks then meds change. Stay tuned!

Two more days till Meds!!

Well, time is almost here! Two more days until I start my Lupron meds!. I will start them Tuesday evening.

I will be honest, I'm kind of nervous. Though I have had several experienced people tell me the Lupron injections are not that bad at all, since they are given with insulin comfort needle syringes.
But...I'm still a little nervous about poking myself with a needle.

All at the same time, I am excited too!!!
Time is REALLY here!

Each step we have taken to get closer to this day has made this journey feel more and more real.
But NOTHING compared to the fact I'm about to start FERTILITY medication!

THIS makes this journey totally and COMPLETELY OFFICIAL!! I mean, you really can't get much for official than injecting medication into your body to artificially control your cycle for another couple. :)

I'm sure I will post on Tuesday...I hope I don't turn into a complete chicken when it comes down to time to actually give myself the shot.

Two more days!!!!!!!

Contract. DONE!!!

Finally!!!!! The contract is DONE! FINISHED! COMPLETE!!

Whew!

We finally got everything worked out the in the "language" of the contract. I have learned something valuable during this process...

I. Do not. Repeat: do not. Like. Writing contracts.

Everything has to be JUST SO, which I mean, is a good thing...but SO frustrating. :-/

BUT, my IPs really are amazing. I know I say that over and over. So obviously it HAS to be true.

We all worked to great together on making sure we all got what we felt was appropriate in every aspect of the contract. The things we didn't all feel the exact same about, we easily compromised on. There were no issues on any of it. They did not fight me on anything. (Which I have read other experiences are not so great). They respect my wishes and compromise so we are all happy. I'm so happy they are who they are. Awesome people.

We all have a great mutual respect for each other, and what each of us has to go through and what we all need. It reflects well I think. :)

Now we can relax. Everything is officially official. No more worrying about it getting done on time. It's done. Now we just wait for time to start meds. Then transfer.

Looking forward to the upcoming events!!

One thing I can say about this journey for sure...it is never dull! :)

Too humble?

I had a rough upbringing as a child. This isn't the place to go into details but it was an upbringing that has led me to be unsure of how to respond to certain things. For instance compliments. I do not take them well. I don't know how. I always have a bit of distrust on if the person is being sincere or just being nice.

I fear that sometimes I may come off as rude or conceded or something because I don't know how to take a compliment. This has proven no different in my life now. I have grown in many ways in my life, but this is one area I have not been able to change. Simply because I don't know how to change it.


Since sharing with others that I have entered into the surrogate world, I have received so many kind words, and compliments, thanks, and people's complete appreciation just to know that "people like me are out there" and besides "thank you" I don't know what to say in response.

I don't want to seem rude by not saying anything else. But I don't want to seem full of myself by saying more than that..... *sigh*

I know there are things to say...I just don't know what they are.

But at the same time, I don't have the amazement with myself for what I'm doing that people have expressed they have about me. Yes, I believe that women who can be and are surrogates are some of the most amazing people on this earth. To give the gift of life to another family while risking their own...it's like heaven on earth to know people like that exist.

But I don't put myself in that category....
I don't know why....I just...
Don't.

Do I think I am doing something great for Doug and Charles? Yes, because I know how happy they will be.

Do I think I'm this great, fantastic person that I described just a few lines ago? No.

Don't ask me why...I don't know.

So when people say those exact things to me, ABOUT me....I never know to say back. I usually just say thank you or add something very short like..."I'm just excited to be pregnant again!" Or "I just want to share the joys of parenthood with others" or something like that, in hopes the person I am responding to picks up that I appreciate their kind words, and I'm not basking in some "oh look at me and great things I do" kind of land.

I'm kind if the same way about sharing my journey with others. I blog (obviously) and people want to read it, so I post it and have begin posting it in groups I am known in. Not to show how "great" I am. But to teach others what this world is like. I didn't realize how many people really have no idea what surrogacy is about, or what it entails. Some people don't even know what a surrogate is! There is such a shortage of surrogates and couples looking for them only because people don't know this option is there. And I have hopes to teach/show people that this isn't just some cake walk/easy way to make a few thousand dollars.

It's intense. It's hard. It's heart breaking. Emotionally draining. Stressful. Takes patience. Lots of medical screening, testing, scares. But I know it will all be worth it in the end.

That's what I want to teach people. That is what I want people to take from my journey.

I just don't know how to portray that to people when I talk about it.
And I wish I knew how to respond to all the so kind words people say to me.

Those words really do go to my heart and I hold each compliment dearly.
I just don't see myself as this amazing individual.
I see myself as a woman that has a deep passion for pregnancy and delivery but I'm done having children. I have found a way to to experience pregnancy again without losing sleep due to a screaming newborn (I say that lightly, I love the newborn stage!) And helping people (another love of mine) all at the same time. I'm just incorporating all the things I love to do into one act.

I don't know.

Honestly, I don't even know I worry so much about what other people think. I don't normally. And I'm not even worried about the negative things some people I'm sure think about me doing this. The only thing I'm worried about is people thinking I'm somehow doing this for selfish reasons.

Why that specific worry....I don't know..
Maybe because that's what stems from my issues from childhood. Me being told I'm selfish no matter how selfless I was actually being at the time...heck I'm no shrink.

I just know I don't take compliments well.
I want people to know how much I appreciate the kind things that say to me....but it's not about me. It's about the couple. The childless couple. Their hearts longing to be parents. To have their little mini me's and raise amazing little people it's about them. Not me.

Thank you to all that see me as more than I see myself. It touches me and I so appreciate the thoughts. I really do. and please know that if you ever pay me a compliment that I may not "seem" to respectively respond to, please know that's not my intention. And that, this journey, maybe mine, but it's not mine alone. I'm sharing it with two amazing people that I feel honored by. They are the ones making this journey great for me. I can't imagine what this journey would be like with another set of IPs.

Thank YOU, Doug and Charles; for trusting me with something so precious as a human baby to carry, and nurture and grow for you. I can't imagine what it must be like to have to have that ability to hold that kind of trust in another person. You are truly amazing people for that. I'm so honored....so honored, you have that trust in me.

This isn't MY surrogacy journey....

This is OUR surrogacy journey.

Contracts ALMOST done!

Well not much has happened since my last post. It's actually nice not having my email be full and having to respond to 4 different people every day. At the same time it feels weird having more time on my hands.

I'm not complaining.

Let's see what's new:
I received my new med calendar Friday. The calendar shows me when meds start, but it just tells me when to start the Lupron; in what dose and when to change it, and it tells me when to stop my BCPs.
It also tells me when I need to have my blood work and lining checked. Sometime this week I will be receiving my actual med schedule which will tell me when to take each medication.

George and I's flight for the transfer has been booked. Our hotel has been booked. Just this evening I made reservations for parking while we are gone. So we are all set! The weather BETTER be kind this time!!!

The contract is almost done. Almost.

I just wish this thing would be done already! UGH!! *sigh*

Ok I feel better.
The final draft is done. Doug and Charles have their copy. They have reviewed it.
I'm still waiting on mine...my attorney who is usually way on the ball with everything is kind of slacking tonight.

I'm so anxious, the contract is the final key piece. 15 days left before I can start meds, and the contract has to be done. There MAY be one thing that has to be changed...again, which very well could take 15 days with basing it on how things have gone so far.

I'm staying positive. Trying to be patient. I'm soooo not a patient person. I like to get things DONE! :)

The next couple of weeks should be pretty quiet. Once the contract is signed, we just wait till med start date.

Waiting, waiting, waiting.

Meds Have Arrived!!!

Soooo...my box of meds arrived this past Thursday (12/27). I did not start them on Saturday like it was originally planned.
I FINALLY got major medical insurance! Get this...through my University! I didn't even know Universities offered medical insurance to their students! Pretty cool, huh? I thought so.

The downfall to that was it doesn't go in effect until Jan. 1, and Illinois state law is that meds cannot start until the insurance is in effect...bleh. Yeah, 3 whole days!
Go figure.

So contracts will be completed this week and I will begin meds sometime around Jan. 20th. I will receive my new med schedule tomorrow. Making the transfer take place on February 22nd.

"That's ok!!"
...was my exact thought once I pulled out all of my meds!!!

Look at all of that!!!


Ok, so I'm going to give you a run down on what everything is and how it all works. I have had questions about this from very inquiring minds. ;)

(From left to right)
The two white boxes are Lupron. Those will be the first meds I take, one shot daily.
Yup, I said SHOT.
I have to put medicine. In a syringe. And stab myself. Eek.
Now for this I get to use an insulin, comfort needle. So it shouldn't be too bad (so I have heard). The injection will go in my belly.
Lupron basically shuts down my pituitary gland = no hormone production = no cycling. My cycle will be controlled by the meds (how much of what hormone when).

See? Insulin syringes...not so bad.


The next set of boxes are a form of estrogen in patch form that I will start taking a couple of weeks after starting Lupron. I will change 2 patches every other day, working my way to 4 patches (yes, at one time), along with the Lupron. This begins introducing hormones much like my body would do on its own. I continue this for a couple of weeks.

Then I will stop Lupron. Begin a Z-pak (not sure why; haven't got to ask yet)(box under patches), continue estrogen patches (4 by this time), begin progesterone in oil injections (the big bag next to the patches, brown bag under it, and little bag under that), and begin my other form of estrogen (big, pink box) in the form of a vaginal suppository. Yeah I know...gross. 3 x day. Aren't you jealous of all the fun I get to have?? lol. I will also have to start chewing one baby aspirin daily (3rd left bottle to the right). I *would* also begin taking the first bottle on the left...prenatals w/DHA, but I have already been taking my own prenatals and DHA.

Anyway, yes, I said another SHOT. The progesterone in oil. This hormone is what supports a pregnancy. This causes the uterine lining to become thick and fluffy, a nice comfy bed for any fertilized egg to attach to. Or two, if they are both so inclined.
These shots are not as easy as the Lupron. These are IM injections...or intramuscular. Yes, In. The. Muscle. Do you know how far down your muscle is??? Do you realize how long a needle has to be to get there??? Yeah...oooooouuuuuuch!! :-/

Look at that!!!!! 18 gauge needles!! For those that do not know...that is big! Any volunteers to stick me with that everyday?! I don't think I can do it to myself! (Don't worry, I will suck it up and do it...I have weeks to prepare)


I guess I should tell you...I don't have to be stuck with that needle. I didn't realize that at first. Mini stroke. hehe I only have to draw the med in that needle.

The brown bag...the vials of the hormone. The bag under that, are just needles. 1 1/2in long, 25 gauge needles. Once I draw up the med, I will change the needle to the 25 gauge...for those that do not know...that is MUCH smaller than the other one. :) This makes me happy. Still rather long...but not as big around, which is comfort.

As you can see...smaller. Awesome!
Any volunteers????? Didn't think so. *sigh*


I will continue the patches, IM injections, and suppositories until after my pregnancy test. If I am pregnant, I will continue with the progesterone for the first trimester, (the other two meds, I'm not sure if I will continue at that point).
If I am not pregnant, I stop all meds, take a few weeks break, and start all over.

(oh, the other random bag I didn't mention...is just alcohol swabs. The very last bottle I didn't mention is a Valium, for the day of the transfer. I guess some women have some anxiety and it helps keep them calm)

So there ya have it! A gestational surrogate's meds! Who wants to take them with me?? :)

I may have mini freak outs and make jokes about being terrified of those huge needles and complain about the oh so yuck vaginal suppositories, but in reality,(I AM terrified of sticking myself with those loooong needles) I am so thrilled I have this box of meds in my house. Sitting in eye sight everyday. They are a daily visual for me that my journey is here. It is happening. I no longer desire to be a surrogate.
I am no longer aspiring to be one.
I am actually becoming one.
I'm doing it.
I am only weeks away from helping an incredibly deserving couple have a baby...
I couldn't feel more honored at this moment.

Well, for the next few weeks, not much will be happening. I will get my new med schedule for our February transfer, complete the contract, and wait for med start date.
I will have little updates for you along the way. See you in a few days!

Contracts and Insurance...enough said

I tell ya, I have had people tell me, "The contract phase and finding insurance is the most stressful part of this journey."

They were not kidding.

It has been back and forth on whether or not I will be able to start medications this coming Saturday (12/29) or not.

My flight to Chicago for my appointment with the RE was cancelled due to whether...the first snow of the season. Go figure.

The contract has actually not been that bad. We agree on basically everything, it has just mostly been a matter of the wording.

The insurance has been the biggest hurdle. Now I tell ya, I have some amazingly wonderful IPs for taking on a surrogate with no insurance for surrogacy that lives in Missouri. (it is dang near impossible to find surrogacy insurance in this state)

We have been able to get a policy through a company that is specifically for surrogacy. It's rather expensive, but gets the job done, and it's what my guys want to use. New Life is the name. Doug & Charles are again wonderful; they purchased the best policy that New Life offers to make sure I had the best coverage, and so that I have what I need to begin meds this Saturday.

*Side note: For the state of Illinois, a surrogate must have insurance in place to cover the cycle (meds, transfer, pregnancy) and any complications resulting from the cycle to be able to begin meds and not void the contract.*

The New Life policy Doug and Charles got for me covers all of this. But both of our attorneys still seem to have some question about if I need to have a major medical plan in place in time for the meds to begin or if it just has to be in place before the transfer takes place.
It's so confusing.

I don't even understand why I need a major medical plan at all. The coverage I need is for the meds, complications from the meds, the transfer, complications from it, the pregnancy, complications from it, and some postpartum coverage. I have that with my New Life policy. My IPs are not responsible for anything that is not related to the surrogacy....so I don't understand the need to have this non-pregnancy coverage.

Nevertheless, we are being told I have to have it. But now the issue is whether or not I have to have in place in order to be able to start the medications. THIS Saturday.

Right now, the contract states that I will have major medical in place before meds and maternity coverage before transfer. Can't we just flip that? We thought so...at first. Now we aren't so sure. We aren't sure about much right now, we are just keeping the faith that our attorneys really are good at what they do, and they will get it all figured out in time.

So as of right now, according to our clinic, I can start my medications on Saturday as long as our contract is finished. My attorney is reviewing the policy I have and the ILL. statute to see if this is good enough in accordance with the law for me to start medications. I will know more on Wednesday afternoon about all of this. My attorney is calling me then after she has time to review everything, and speak with Doug & Charles' attorney.

The end of this complicated process is almost near. Once we have our contract finished and know exactly when I can start medications...it will be so much better.

I do have to say though, my attorney seems really great, and so does theirs, because mine has been working this weekend before Christmas to get things done, and theirs is taking time out of her vacation to speak to my attorney and work on our contract to get it done by the "deadline."

And Doug & Charles have been even more great!! They are so supportive of me, especially when this stressful process has really gotten to me and brought me down. They have been right there to boost me back up, and remind of me of the positive sides of this. They don't think badly of me just because I get down about it. They don't wallow in the negative of the situation. They "keep their eyes on the prize" and push through. They understand this is just a part of the process and never forget that this will all be worth it in the end. They really are a great match for me. Amazing people. Amazing.

I will update again after I hear from my attorney on Wednesday.

In the meantime, Merry Christmas! Have a wonderful holiday and be safe!