OH MY GOODNESS!!!!!!!! I remember several months ago, thinking I would never get to this point...In 23 hours, my hubby and I will be sitting on a plane, heading down the runway to go to Chicago!!!!!! Transfer is in less than 3 days!!!!!!!!!!!
Woo hoo!!!!!!!!!
Now, if Mother Nature will play nice...my area is due to get the HUGEST storm we have had for a while...go figure when I'm supposed to be leaving. :-/
Right now they are saying it is not going to start until late, late Wednesday night, so HOPEFULLY *fingers crossed* it will hold off until we leave.
Oh!!! I can't believe I didn't post for you all about my progesterone injections!
Ok, so here is an update on meds:
Sunday, Feb 17, I stopped Lupron and started progesterone intramuscular injections. I also had to start progesterone vaginal suppositories, 3 x day...yes, it is a horrible as it sounds. haha
The injection...I totally wimped out!!! For about 15 minutes, I tried...just couldn't do it. I was too afraid of the needle breaking, me contracting my muscle...just all the things that *could* go wrong. *sigh*
A friend of mine did it for me. I jumped a little at the initial stick, but it was not bad.
Then last night (Monday) I tried again...for like....45 minutes. Couldn't do it. I really did try. My friend was out of town!!! So her boyfriend did it (also my husband's cousin, we were at their house, my hubby was too nervous to do it for me).
I didn't even feel it at all!!! I don't know what he did, but I didn't even know the needle was in until I saw him draw the plunger back to check for blood. It was awesome.
Then tonight...my hubby did it. My poor hubby. My poor hip/butt. Pretty sure he hit a vein. My hip/butt hurts. It bled...bad for a couple minutes. Hubby freaked a little; the blood was RUNNING down my skin. I'm ok though, it's just very sore and bruised.
Ah, the joys of surrogacy. ;)
It's ok, it's just part of it. I could have done the same thing to myself. Hubby did feel bad...poor hubby.
Well, here's hoping we leave as scheduled tomorrow!!!!
Tuesday, February 19, 2013
Wednesday, February 13, 2013
7 days vs. 1 week
Seven days until our flight to Chicago for the transfer!!! One week!!!!
I tell ya, counting down is rough stuff. I mean, 7 days/1 week. 1 week sounds so much quicker doesn't it??? The days are going by fast (thank goodness!) and transfer is coming quick! I can't imagine what I'm going to be like next week. :)
Some call me crazy...so incredibly excited for something that is going to cause sickness, possibly vomiting, my internal space to be taken up, kicked, made to feel physically uncomfortable, sleepless nights, peeing constantly, always hungry, always full, ungodly amounts of pain...it's all part of an amazing experience I love!!!! If that constitutes me as crazy, then people, stick me in a padded room, because I'm batty nuts!!!! :)
Ok, enough of the silly.
I had my second ultrasound on Monday to check my hormone levels and uterine lining. My estrogen level is rising just as it should from the patches. For the uterine lining my clinic wants to see a minimum of 7; mine is a 12!!!! That's AWESOME!!! They also want to see "3 lines" they really didn't explain it all, just that they are the levels of the lining. I remember it from my physiology class, but it's kind of complicated and very in depth, so I won't bore you; but all 3 were present, so that's great! That all means my uterine lining is VERY thick which is a must for an embryo to attach. My body is prepping perfectly for transfer next week!
NEXT week...whoa. :)
I have my last lining/hormone check tomorrow morning. I will know then how much progesterone I need to be taking. I will stop Lupron and start the IM progesterone injections on Sunday. 4 days. Still a little nervous about those injections....but I have faith in myself I will get them done. Or maybe I will wait till my hubby gets home and sweet talk (or beg) him to do it for me....who knows, we shall see.
Every hour is an hour closer to Chicago!!!
I tell ya, counting down is rough stuff. I mean, 7 days/1 week. 1 week sounds so much quicker doesn't it??? The days are going by fast (thank goodness!) and transfer is coming quick! I can't imagine what I'm going to be like next week. :)
Some call me crazy...so incredibly excited for something that is going to cause sickness, possibly vomiting, my internal space to be taken up, kicked, made to feel physically uncomfortable, sleepless nights, peeing constantly, always hungry, always full, ungodly amounts of pain...it's all part of an amazing experience I love!!!! If that constitutes me as crazy, then people, stick me in a padded room, because I'm batty nuts!!!! :)
Ok, enough of the silly.
I had my second ultrasound on Monday to check my hormone levels and uterine lining. My estrogen level is rising just as it should from the patches. For the uterine lining my clinic wants to see a minimum of 7; mine is a 12!!!! That's AWESOME!!! They also want to see "3 lines" they really didn't explain it all, just that they are the levels of the lining. I remember it from my physiology class, but it's kind of complicated and very in depth, so I won't bore you; but all 3 were present, so that's great! That all means my uterine lining is VERY thick which is a must for an embryo to attach. My body is prepping perfectly for transfer next week!
NEXT week...whoa. :)
I have my last lining/hormone check tomorrow morning. I will know then how much progesterone I need to be taking. I will stop Lupron and start the IM progesterone injections on Sunday. 4 days. Still a little nervous about those injections....but I have faith in myself I will get them done. Or maybe I will wait till my hubby gets home and sweet talk (or beg) him to do it for me....who knows, we shall see.
Every hour is an hour closer to Chicago!!!
Friday, February 1, 2013
Update/First Med Change
Well it has been 10 days that I have been on Lupron. I have had very few and mild side effects. Thank goodness!!
A few hot flashes for a couple hours after 3 of the injections. I was VERY sleepy after the injection the first 4 or 5 days. Which I didn't realize could be a side effect until I read more about it. But really, that's about it. :)
I'm super happy I didn't get the headaches I have read so much about!
I was however feeling EXTREMELY emotionally sensitive when my pituitary gland was in high gear.
(For those that don't know and/or haven't read previous posts, Lupron suppresses your pituitary gland; stops all hormone production; by ways of first over stimulating it. Over stimulation of the gland, shuts it down.)
That was a HUGE "side effect" if you will. I was irritated SO easily! I would just snap off...at times made me feel very upset with myself.
Now, I didn't go all crazy or anything, but there were a few times that my little Q would get into something he shouldn't and instead of going to him in the gentle way I normally do, I would immediately get irritated and raise my voice at him...I am ashamed.
That meant lots of extra cuddles for him, and mommy explaining to him she is sorry, and it's not his fault. Not that he understood anything I was saying, but I like to think it helped. But anyway, yeah I did get set off easily and would cry over the silliest things. At nothing sometimes! Oh man that was worse than the pregnancy hormones. I felt ridiculous. haha.
But I kept remembering it was just the meds. As long as I kept that in the front of my mind, I was able to keep a much better grasp on my outward emotions.
My hormones are now completely suppressed. I had my baseline blood work and ultrasound done on Wednesday to verify. Everything is perfect, right where it should be. :)
I can tell a difference with them suppresses as well....it's kind of hard to explain. I'm just kind of..."whatev" about everything.
It is very interesting.
Tomorrow is Saturday. I have my first med change tomorrow!!
Instead of injecting 20 units of Lupron tomorrow evening, I will be injecting 5 units. As well as beginning one form of Estrogen in patch form. I will wear 2 patches and change them every other day. Gradually moving up to four according to my schedule. But for two weeks it will be 2.
I won't have any other med changes in those two weeks, unless my labs and ultrasound show I need to change something. I will have two more of those appointments before I begin the progesterone injections so they know how much I will need. That's the most important med of this journey. So it has to be JUST right.
So things will be quiet around here for a while. Updates will be given after each ultrasound and lab work. :)
See you soon!
A few hot flashes for a couple hours after 3 of the injections. I was VERY sleepy after the injection the first 4 or 5 days. Which I didn't realize could be a side effect until I read more about it. But really, that's about it. :)
I'm super happy I didn't get the headaches I have read so much about!
I was however feeling EXTREMELY emotionally sensitive when my pituitary gland was in high gear.
(For those that don't know and/or haven't read previous posts, Lupron suppresses your pituitary gland; stops all hormone production; by ways of first over stimulating it. Over stimulation of the gland, shuts it down.)
That was a HUGE "side effect" if you will. I was irritated SO easily! I would just snap off...at times made me feel very upset with myself.
Now, I didn't go all crazy or anything, but there were a few times that my little Q would get into something he shouldn't and instead of going to him in the gentle way I normally do, I would immediately get irritated and raise my voice at him...I am ashamed.
That meant lots of extra cuddles for him, and mommy explaining to him she is sorry, and it's not his fault. Not that he understood anything I was saying, but I like to think it helped. But anyway, yeah I did get set off easily and would cry over the silliest things. At nothing sometimes! Oh man that was worse than the pregnancy hormones. I felt ridiculous. haha.
But I kept remembering it was just the meds. As long as I kept that in the front of my mind, I was able to keep a much better grasp on my outward emotions.
My hormones are now completely suppressed. I had my baseline blood work and ultrasound done on Wednesday to verify. Everything is perfect, right where it should be. :)
I can tell a difference with them suppresses as well....it's kind of hard to explain. I'm just kind of..."whatev" about everything.
It is very interesting.
Tomorrow is Saturday. I have my first med change tomorrow!!
Instead of injecting 20 units of Lupron tomorrow evening, I will be injecting 5 units. As well as beginning one form of Estrogen in patch form. I will wear 2 patches and change them every other day. Gradually moving up to four according to my schedule. But for two weeks it will be 2.
I won't have any other med changes in those two weeks, unless my labs and ultrasound show I need to change something. I will have two more of those appointments before I begin the progesterone injections so they know how much I will need. That's the most important med of this journey. So it has to be JUST right.
So things will be quiet around here for a while. Updates will be given after each ultrasound and lab work. :)
See you soon!
Tuesday, January 22, 2013
First medication injection....DONE!!
Oh boy that was intense! At first.
You should have seen it...I did not feel nervous at all. Then I got my supplies out and set up....
Then the nerves kicked in.
I felt so silly.
That needle was so tiny!
I was trying to make friend here...thinking I would feel less nervous.
Do I look nervous?
Getting everything ready.
Drawing up the medication.
I was trying to work up the nerve to poke myself right here...doing little practice "swings" in the air.
After about 25 minutes of this....
I did it!!!! And I didn't even FEEL IT!!! I felt so silly for being so nervous! haha
Woo-hoo!!!! This journey has OFFICIALLY began!!!!!!!!!!!!
You can barely even tell where I did it!
This will be SO much easier tomorrow! :)
Well that's it! I will continue to update with how I feel in the next couple of weeks. I continue this for two weeks then meds change. Stay tuned!
You should have seen it...I did not feel nervous at all. Then I got my supplies out and set up....
Then the nerves kicked in.
I felt so silly.
That needle was so tiny!
I was trying to make friend here...thinking I would feel less nervous.
Do I look nervous?
Getting everything ready.
Drawing up the medication.
I was trying to work up the nerve to poke myself right here...doing little practice "swings" in the air.
After about 25 minutes of this....
I did it!!!! And I didn't even FEEL IT!!! I felt so silly for being so nervous! haha
Woo-hoo!!!! This journey has OFFICIALLY began!!!!!!!!!!!!
You can barely even tell where I did it!
This will be SO much easier tomorrow! :)
Well that's it! I will continue to update with how I feel in the next couple of weeks. I continue this for two weeks then meds change. Stay tuned!
Sunday, January 20, 2013
Two more days till Meds!!
Well, time is almost here! Two more days until I start my Lupron meds!. I will start them Tuesday evening.
I will be honest, I'm kind of nervous. Though I have had several experienced people tell me the Lupron injections are not that bad at all, since they are given with insulin comfort needle syringes.
But...I'm still a little nervous about poking myself with a needle.
All at the same time, I am excited too!!!
Time is REALLY here!
Each step we have taken to get closer to this day has made this journey feel more and more real.
But NOTHING compared to the fact I'm about to start FERTILITY medication!
THIS makes this journey totally and COMPLETELY OFFICIAL!! I mean, you really can't get much for official than injecting medication into your body to artificially control your cycle for another couple. :)
I'm sure I will post on Tuesday...I hope I don't turn into a complete chicken when it comes down to time to actually give myself the shot.
Two more days!!!!!!!
I will be honest, I'm kind of nervous. Though I have had several experienced people tell me the Lupron injections are not that bad at all, since they are given with insulin comfort needle syringes.
But...I'm still a little nervous about poking myself with a needle.
All at the same time, I am excited too!!!
Time is REALLY here!
Each step we have taken to get closer to this day has made this journey feel more and more real.
But NOTHING compared to the fact I'm about to start FERTILITY medication!
THIS makes this journey totally and COMPLETELY OFFICIAL!! I mean, you really can't get much for official than injecting medication into your body to artificially control your cycle for another couple. :)
I'm sure I will post on Tuesday...I hope I don't turn into a complete chicken when it comes down to time to actually give myself the shot.
Two more days!!!!!!!
Friday, January 11, 2013
Contract. DONE!!!
Finally!!!!! The contract is DONE! FINISHED! COMPLETE!!
Whew!
We finally got everything worked out the in the "language" of the contract. I have learned something valuable during this process...
I. Do not. Repeat: do not. Like. Writing contracts.
Everything has to be JUST SO, which I mean, is a good thing...but SO frustrating. :-/
BUT, my IPs really are amazing. I know I say that over and over. So obviously it HAS to be true.
We all worked to great together on making sure we all got what we felt was appropriate in every aspect of the contract. The things we didn't all feel the exact same about, we easily compromised on. There were no issues on any of it. They did not fight me on anything. (Which I have read other experiences are not so great). They respect my wishes and compromise so we are all happy. I'm so happy they are who they are. Awesome people.
We all have a great mutual respect for each other, and what each of us has to go through and what we all need. It reflects well I think. :)
Now we can relax. Everything is officially official. No more worrying about it getting done on time. It's done. Now we just wait for time to start meds. Then transfer.
Looking forward to the upcoming events!!
One thing I can say about this journey for sure...it is never dull! :)
Whew!
We finally got everything worked out the in the "language" of the contract. I have learned something valuable during this process...
I. Do not. Repeat: do not. Like. Writing contracts.
Everything has to be JUST SO, which I mean, is a good thing...but SO frustrating. :-/
BUT, my IPs really are amazing. I know I say that over and over. So obviously it HAS to be true.
We all worked to great together on making sure we all got what we felt was appropriate in every aspect of the contract. The things we didn't all feel the exact same about, we easily compromised on. There were no issues on any of it. They did not fight me on anything. (Which I have read other experiences are not so great). They respect my wishes and compromise so we are all happy. I'm so happy they are who they are. Awesome people.
We all have a great mutual respect for each other, and what each of us has to go through and what we all need. It reflects well I think. :)
Now we can relax. Everything is officially official. No more worrying about it getting done on time. It's done. Now we just wait for time to start meds. Then transfer.
Looking forward to the upcoming events!!
One thing I can say about this journey for sure...it is never dull! :)
Monday, January 7, 2013
Too humble?
I had a rough upbringing as a child. This isn't the place to go into details but it was an upbringing that has led me to be unsure of how to respond to certain things. For instance compliments. I do not take them well. I don't know how. I always have a bit of distrust on if the person is being sincere or just being nice.
I fear that sometimes I may come off as rude or conceded or something because I don't know how to take a compliment. This has proven no different in my life now. I have grown in many ways in my life, but this is one area I have not been able to change. Simply because I don't know how to change it.
Since sharing with others that I have entered into the surrogate world, I have received so many kind words, and compliments, thanks, and people's complete appreciation just to know that "people like me are out there" and besides "thank you" I don't know what to say in response.
I don't want to seem rude by not saying anything else. But I don't want to seem full of myself by saying more than that..... *sigh*
I know there are things to say...I just don't know what they are.
But at the same time, I don't have the amazement with myself for what I'm doing that people have expressed they have about me. Yes, I believe that women who can be and are surrogates are some of the most amazing people on this earth. To give the gift of life to another family while risking their own...it's like heaven on earth to know people like that exist.
But I don't put myself in that category....
I don't know why....I just...
Don't.
Do I think I am doing something great for Doug and Charles? Yes, because I know how happy they will be.
Do I think I'm this great, fantastic person that I described just a few lines ago? No.
Don't ask me why...I don't know.
So when people say those exact things to me, ABOUT me....I never know to say back. I usually just say thank you or add something very short like..."I'm just excited to be pregnant again!" Or "I just want to share the joys of parenthood with others" or something like that, in hopes the person I am responding to picks up that I appreciate their kind words, and I'm not basking in some "oh look at me and great things I do" kind of land.
I'm kind if the same way about sharing my journey with others. I blog (obviously) and people want to read it, so I post it and have begin posting it in groups I am known in. Not to show how "great" I am. But to teach others what this world is like. I didn't realize how many people really have no idea what surrogacy is about, or what it entails. Some people don't even know what a surrogate is! There is such a shortage of surrogates and couples looking for them only because people don't know this option is there. And I have hopes to teach/show people that this isn't just some cake walk/easy way to make a few thousand dollars.
It's intense. It's hard. It's heart breaking. Emotionally draining. Stressful. Takes patience. Lots of medical screening, testing, scares. But I know it will all be worth it in the end.
That's what I want to teach people. That is what I want people to take from my journey.
I just don't know how to portray that to people when I talk about it.
And I wish I knew how to respond to all the so kind words people say to me.
Those words really do go to my heart and I hold each compliment dearly.
I just don't see myself as this amazing individual.
I see myself as a woman that has a deep passion for pregnancy and delivery but I'm done having children. I have found a way to to experience pregnancy again without losing sleep due to a screaming newborn (I say that lightly, I love the newborn stage!) And helping people (another love of mine) all at the same time. I'm just incorporating all the things I love to do into one act.
I don't know.
Honestly, I don't even know I worry so much about what other people think. I don't normally. And I'm not even worried about the negative things some people I'm sure think about me doing this. The only thing I'm worried about is people thinking I'm somehow doing this for selfish reasons.
Why that specific worry....I don't know..
Maybe because that's what stems from my issues from childhood. Me being told I'm selfish no matter how selfless I was actually being at the time...heck I'm no shrink.
I just know I don't take compliments well.
I want people to know how much I appreciate the kind things that say to me....but it's not about me. It's about the couple. The childless couple. Their hearts longing to be parents. To have their little mini me's and raise amazing little people it's about them. Not me.
Thank you to all that see me as more than I see myself. It touches me and I so appreciate the thoughts. I really do. and please know that if you ever pay me a compliment that I may not "seem" to respectively respond to, please know that's not my intention. And that, this journey, maybe mine, but it's not mine alone. I'm sharing it with two amazing people that I feel honored by. They are the ones making this journey great for me. I can't imagine what this journey would be like with another set of IPs.
Thank YOU, Doug and Charles; for trusting me with something so precious as a human baby to carry, and nurture and grow for you. I can't imagine what it must be like to have to have that ability to hold that kind of trust in another person. You are truly amazing people for that. I'm so honored....so honored, you have that trust in me.
This isn't MY surrogacy journey....
This is OUR surrogacy journey.
I fear that sometimes I may come off as rude or conceded or something because I don't know how to take a compliment. This has proven no different in my life now. I have grown in many ways in my life, but this is one area I have not been able to change. Simply because I don't know how to change it.
Since sharing with others that I have entered into the surrogate world, I have received so many kind words, and compliments, thanks, and people's complete appreciation just to know that "people like me are out there" and besides "thank you" I don't know what to say in response.
I don't want to seem rude by not saying anything else. But I don't want to seem full of myself by saying more than that..... *sigh*
I know there are things to say...I just don't know what they are.
But at the same time, I don't have the amazement with myself for what I'm doing that people have expressed they have about me. Yes, I believe that women who can be and are surrogates are some of the most amazing people on this earth. To give the gift of life to another family while risking their own...it's like heaven on earth to know people like that exist.
But I don't put myself in that category....
I don't know why....I just...
Don't.
Do I think I am doing something great for Doug and Charles? Yes, because I know how happy they will be.
Do I think I'm this great, fantastic person that I described just a few lines ago? No.
Don't ask me why...I don't know.
So when people say those exact things to me, ABOUT me....I never know to say back. I usually just say thank you or add something very short like..."I'm just excited to be pregnant again!" Or "I just want to share the joys of parenthood with others" or something like that, in hopes the person I am responding to picks up that I appreciate their kind words, and I'm not basking in some "oh look at me and great things I do" kind of land.
I'm kind if the same way about sharing my journey with others. I blog (obviously) and people want to read it, so I post it and have begin posting it in groups I am known in. Not to show how "great" I am. But to teach others what this world is like. I didn't realize how many people really have no idea what surrogacy is about, or what it entails. Some people don't even know what a surrogate is! There is such a shortage of surrogates and couples looking for them only because people don't know this option is there. And I have hopes to teach/show people that this isn't just some cake walk/easy way to make a few thousand dollars.
It's intense. It's hard. It's heart breaking. Emotionally draining. Stressful. Takes patience. Lots of medical screening, testing, scares. But I know it will all be worth it in the end.
That's what I want to teach people. That is what I want people to take from my journey.
I just don't know how to portray that to people when I talk about it.
And I wish I knew how to respond to all the so kind words people say to me.
Those words really do go to my heart and I hold each compliment dearly.
I just don't see myself as this amazing individual.
I see myself as a woman that has a deep passion for pregnancy and delivery but I'm done having children. I have found a way to to experience pregnancy again without losing sleep due to a screaming newborn (I say that lightly, I love the newborn stage!) And helping people (another love of mine) all at the same time. I'm just incorporating all the things I love to do into one act.
I don't know.
Honestly, I don't even know I worry so much about what other people think. I don't normally. And I'm not even worried about the negative things some people I'm sure think about me doing this. The only thing I'm worried about is people thinking I'm somehow doing this for selfish reasons.
Why that specific worry....I don't know..
Maybe because that's what stems from my issues from childhood. Me being told I'm selfish no matter how selfless I was actually being at the time...heck I'm no shrink.
I just know I don't take compliments well.
I want people to know how much I appreciate the kind things that say to me....but it's not about me. It's about the couple. The childless couple. Their hearts longing to be parents. To have their little mini me's and raise amazing little people it's about them. Not me.
Thank you to all that see me as more than I see myself. It touches me and I so appreciate the thoughts. I really do. and please know that if you ever pay me a compliment that I may not "seem" to respectively respond to, please know that's not my intention. And that, this journey, maybe mine, but it's not mine alone. I'm sharing it with two amazing people that I feel honored by. They are the ones making this journey great for me. I can't imagine what this journey would be like with another set of IPs.
Thank YOU, Doug and Charles; for trusting me with something so precious as a human baby to carry, and nurture and grow for you. I can't imagine what it must be like to have to have that ability to hold that kind of trust in another person. You are truly amazing people for that. I'm so honored....so honored, you have that trust in me.
This isn't MY surrogacy journey....
This is OUR surrogacy journey.
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